Romance Man Uncensored
Posted by Selena Robins Musings
Please join me in welcoming The Romance Man to my blog for an uncensored interview. Actually, nobody censors The Matador (as he is also known as. Feel free to call him Romance Man, Matador, RM or Remy — sounds like a kinky Law firm with all those names), and we wouldn’t want him to be censored.
Since he started his blog less than a year ago, he has amassed a huge following because of his candid approach to reviewing and discussing romance in novels and in life.
We’re also holding a contest (details below). Prizes include; Amazon gift certificates, autographed paperback books and e-books.
Grab a cuppa-whatever-you-drink (on second thought, do all your drinking and bathroom breaks before you read the interview) and enjoy!
Please note: The blog post that you are about to read, contains content only suitable for adults.
I give you The Romance Man:
I am a 42-year-old married father of three beautiful girls, and I am married to a woman who deserves much better but has decided to stay with me anyway.
I started reading romance novels about a year ago. I was simply bored one day and came across Jessica Scott’s website and bought her book. I enjoyed it and pretty soon was reading them with my wife in bed at night. It has been a great experience and has brought my wife and me closer in many ways.
I thought it would be fun to start a blog about romance novels from a male point of view and The Romance Man was born. I review some romance novels. I also review books about marriage and relationships and mostly make fun of them because they all tend to suck. I write about things I care about which is mostly related to women and girls because I have daughters, and issues related to them are important to me.
Mostly, I write stupid shit and try to be funny. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, and I always feel good if I can make someone laugh.
Selena: What three words would your friends use to describe you?
Romance Man: Big funny dickhead
Selena: I asked you on your blog once: what’s the deal with the Sharpie Pen? You responded you will tell us when you feel we are ready. Well, we’re ready. Tell us about it.
Romance Man: Sharpie pens are fun and you can really fuck with people using them. One time when my wife was asleep naked, I drew eyeballs on the right and left top of her vagussy. It looked like her clit-hood was the nose, so I drew some glasses. When she woke up and realized what I did it was pretty funny because it wouldn’t come off.
Selena: Shout out to Lexie, payback, but use a PURPLE SHARPIE. Okay, next question: What song best describes your life?
Romance Man: Highway to Hell by Ac/Dc because it seems I am always hauling ass forward without much thought.
Selena: Favorite one line joke?
Romance Man: Mitch Hedbergs – Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus.
Selena: Most embarrassing moment?
Romance Man: The first time I had sex. I was awful and she was experienced and her disappointment was pretty obvious.
(If you haven’t already, I strongly recommend you read these blog posts (click on the above blog post link to take you directly there). Same warning as above, do not drink anything while reading, and go pee beforehand.)
Romance Man: I can’t snack when I write it totally breaks my concentration. My favorite snack though is pretzels dipped in peanut butter.
Selena: Have you ever been mistaken for a famous personality? Actor? Musician? Male Model for baby blue leggings? If so, who?
Romance Man: I have never been mistaken for a celebrity or a male model. When I was young, people used to tell me I looked like Sean Penn although I don’t know why. Now I look more like John Candy.
Selena: An actor who starred in a movie with the word “bacon” in it. I can see why you picked him. What are the top three things you have learned about women, by reading romance novels?
Romance Man: 1. Women like strong men.
2. Women want an HEA much more than men.
3. Women really like naked men on book covers.
Selena: Biggest pet peeve about romance novels?
Romance Man: The clichés. I hate the clichés. The biggest one of all is when the heroine is in danger and refuses protection and then does everything possible to get herself killed. I also hate it that the heroine has an orgasm almost instantly. It doesn’t work that way or maybe it does and I am doing it wrong.
Selena: I agree with you about the clichés and the Too-Stupid-To-Live-Heroines. Okay, what’s the deal with your fantasy regarding Rosie O’Donnell dressed as a maid? (I went back and read your past blogs that I missed and found your Rosie O. fantasy). Really? Rosie O’Donnell? Curious minds want to know about this fantasy. Don’t worry we won’t judge. Much.
Romance Man: Man you must have been bored as shit to go that far back to read my blog. I just made the Rosie O’ Donnell thing up. I have no fantasy about her.
Selena: I was not bored, I was doing research for this interview. Okay, I was taking a break from writing one night and went into your archives and found that little treasure. Next question: if we could put you in a time machine and get you back to your teen years, what advice would you give to an 18-year-old Remy?
Romance Man: I would tell myself to pick a career I liked instead of worrying about making money. This is something I try very hard to stress to my girls. When I was young I thought money would bring happiness so I focused on that. Money is nice but not as nice as getting up every day and looking forward to work.
Selena: You have your own Romance Man—let’s call it—“terminology,” example: Vagussy. For readers who have not yet read all your blog posts, list the other words you’ve created for the Romance Man’s Urban Dictionary.
Romance Man: Vagussy, vaguice and one-eyed love muscle are all I have come up with so far, and they may have been around before so I don’t know if I invented them. In my mind I did because I had never heard them before.
Selena: Do you think comedic abilities and wit are things someone either has or doesn’t Or do you think it’s something that can be learned? And yes, this is a compliment to your humorous writing abilities.
Romance Man: Thank you and that is a great question. I think it is something you have or something you don’t. I don’t think it can be learned and I also think there is a difference between having a sense of humor and being funny. Many people love to laugh and appreciate funny things but aren’t necessarily funny themselves.
Selena: Are you funny in real life?
Romance Man: I try to be. Pretty much everything is a joke to me unless it is something serious. I like to laugh and escape the misery in the world and I like to make my wife laugh. If I can make her laugh, I am happy. It’s better than giving her an orgasm.
Selena: If you were a Muppet, which Muppet would you be? Which Muppet would you date?
Romance Man: I don’t know which muppet I would be but I know it wouldn’t be Kermit cause there is no way I could fuck Miss Piggy. I could cook her because I love bacon but not have sex with her.
Selena: Take off your cape for a moment, and pretend you’re a romance hero. Cowboy, alpha, muscled, tanned, throbbing muscle, the works. What would your name be and write a tweet as this romance hero.
Romance Man: My name would be Colt and my tweet would be “Don’t mess with my heroine, mother fuckers.”
Selena: Is there anything you have on your Milestone List that you want to have or to do, that has yet to be accomplished?
Romance Man: There are a million things. I would like to live long enough to see civilian space travel because I would love to go into space. I would love to write a book.
I would love to see my wife be successful with her writing.
I want to see my daughters achieve their dreams.
Fuck, Selena, are you trying to make me cry?
Selena: No, but you are going to make a whole lot of us cry with your poetic and sweet response. (I’m not talking poetic as in Ode to Lexie). Inside every alpha matador beats a sentimental heart of a man who loves his family. It’s what HEA is all about.
I along with many others would love to read a book written by you and Lexie. So from your lips to the stars, aligning themselves in the right place to achieve those goals and along with your daughters reaching out and grabbing on to their dreams coming true.
Cripes, now I’m going to tear up.
Okay, before we all start holding hands and singing Kumbaya, and Heaven Forbid we give the Matador a hug for that beautiful sentiment, let’s have some fun with a quick fire, word association game.
Tell us the first thing that comes to your mind after you read each word on the left hand side:
Sponge Bob band aids: My balls
Ironing: My blog
Silver: Dallas Cowboys
Turtles: Non-consensual turtle sex
Hugs: Don’t touch me, Bro
Minute Man: I’m sorry.
Selena: LOL! I don’t know if I should be worried or scared, but I understand why you picked the answers you did.
Okay, finally, I want to get down to the true heart of this interview:
How many waffles are just too many at IHOP?
Romance Man: Selena, you don’t eat waffles at IHOP, you eat pancakes. You eat waffles at The Waffle House and one is enough as long as you have eggs and grits and hash browns with it.
Selena: Thank you for clarifying that for me and for all Canadians who have no frickin’ idea what an IHOP is in the first place. Another reason I read your blog and your tweets, they can be so educational.
Thank you for joining us today, it’s been a lot of fun and see, the questions weren’t that hard, you breezed right through them.
I now open up the blog-floor to everyone who would like to comment or ask The Romance Man a question.
By doing so, your name will be entered into a draw to win a prize (listed below).
If you want to double your chances of winning a prize, then, sign up to follow The Romance Man on his blog here.
If you want to triple your chance of winning a prize, then, go LIKE his Facebook Fan Page here. Let’s get him to 2,000 likes!
Quadruple your chance and stalk him on TWITTER: @theromanceman3
(Winners will be contacted on Friday morning)
Amazon Gift Certificate – from Selena Robins
Amazon Gift Certificate - from Sloan McBride
Autographed Paperback – “Together in Darkness” by Sloan McBride
Autographed Paperback – “Daryk Hunter,” the first book in the Daryk World series by Denise A. Agnew
E-book – “Gone Groom Gone – A Chick Dick Mystery” by Nancy Lauzon
E-book – “Blood and Moonlight” by Moira Keith
E-book – “Let Me Count The Ways” by PG Forte