Selena Robins, Author

Yes, you’ve read the title of this blog correctly. I have interviewed a Sinkhole.

I bet you’re wondering if my Yoga classes have finally driven me to discombobulated meditation (or temporary insanity)?

Nope. Not yet, anyway.

I’ve been following @174Sinkhole (as he’s known to the world, via his Twitter account) for the past few weeks, and have discovered that sinkholes have feelings, dietary needs, (cars mostly, but he’s not against trying out a bus) and has provided a strong voice for sinkholes worldwide.

Sinkhole’s Twitter Bio:

Total number of pipes, 30

Pipe re-lining, $1.7M

Emergency Work, $3.2M

Emergency Services/Police $200K

Talking Sinkhole, PRICELESS!

A lot of people (over 2,000 Twitter followers, plus the media)  have been speculating as to Sinkhole’s gender.

Well, speculate no longer.

I guarantee you that Sinkhole is a male. How do I know this? His answers to the first few question during the interview.

Selena: Welcome to my blog, Sinky, (I can call him that, we’ve bonded on Twitter).  Thank you for taking time out of your traffic reporting updates to answer a few questions and allowing us to get to know you better.

First question, in your world does size matter?

Sinky: Yes.

(Slam dunk. Sinkhole is a dude. Back to the interview)

Selena: Why?

Sinky: Size is your livelihood, the bigger you are, the longer you are going to last.

Selena: Can you tell me about your down time? What do you do when there’s no traffic?

Sinky: I read dirty magazines e.g. Car and Driver..oooooooooohhhhh, yeah!

Selena: What is your theme song?

Sinky: Fixing a Hole by the Beatles

Selena: I’ve heard people refer to you as a pot hole, does this upset you?

Sinky: Yes, potholes are really just sinkholes that haven’t made it to the big league yet. Wannabes, not quite there…very shallow for the most part.

Selena: Good to know. We all can rest easy knowing the politically correct term for a pot hole….I mean sinkhole. What is your average day work like?

Sinky: Chat with my fellow Sinkholeans during the morning commute and then try to help them deal with the stress of the trip home in the evening.

Selena: Have you bonded with any of the constructions workers? Police Officers? Media? Rubber Neckers?

Sinky: No, not really, they have generally tried to stay as far away as possible from me, especially while they were in their vehicles.

Selena: If Steven Spielberg were to call and wants to make the movie ,“Close Encounters of the Sinkhole Kind.”  Who is your choice to play you?

Sinky: James Earl Jones – because of the voice.

Selena: Where are you in the hierarchy in Sinkholeville?

Sinky: I am the president and mayor of a town of one.

Selena: What would your profile say on Match.com?

Sinky: If you don’t have a car I am not interested.

Selena: I read on Twitter that you’re drafting your will. Who are your beneficiaries? What are you leaving them?

Sinky: You know it’s funny I decided I was going to write a will then I realized I didn’t have a pen or paper or a hand or arms for that matter to even write with, so I gave up pretty quickly.

Selena:  There are plenty of inanimate objects that need a strong voice and with 2,000 followers on Twitter (congratulations by the way, that’s a great turnout in just a few weeks) your super sinkhole powers can be put to good use.

How about coming back as a romance hero’s pants? Or how about Godiva Chocolate? All the ladies would be impressed. Actually, I think your resume would be more suited for a Rubik’s Cube, because people would have a hard time figuring you out. What’s in store for Sinky, now that you’re about to be paved over?

Sinky: I’m not really sure what I am going to do next. I’ll probably go underground for a while. It’s been a fun couple of weeks but being a public figure is tough!

Selena: It’s been a pleasure Sinky. We all wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. Well, not really, a sinkhole has not been fun for the people who have had to sit in traffic for hours.

If anyone has an opening for an inanimate object who needs a strong voice, we welcome your suggestions.

You can follow Sinky on Twitter @174Sinkhole for a guaranteed daily dose of laughter.