This blog post is dedicated to my CCC (Cool Crazy Chick) friend and fellow blogger, Lafemmeroar who encouraged me to share the following post, after discussing Hollywood remakes on her blog.
I’m still traumatized by the way Hollywood bastardized Bewitched. It was quite simply, horrible, as are some of their other recycled movies, so I thought if Hollywood gave me a shot at remaking one of their blockbusters, these would be my versions for a few movies:
TWIT-LIGHT: (A romantic tragedy) A young virgin girl captures the attention of a golden-haired, yellow-eyed, Werewolf turned Vampire turned Zombie.
So infatuated with him, she purposely gets bitten by another Vampire so she could be her fantasy man’s Twit-For-Life-Mate.
However, the joke’s on her, because the Werewolf-Vampire-Zombie hybrid is really a Hollywood actor who is researching to play in a movie. The Twit-for-Life-Mate wannabe, who can’t adjust to fangs or a diet of blood, ends up staked by the rabid Hollywood actor’s fans and dies a virgin. Very sad.
DRIVING MISS CRAZY (Mystery): A cab driver’s memoir of the time he drove a woman three hundred miles, only to find out she had no where to go. During the journey, she became so enamored with the cabbie, she indicated she wanted to wear his skin. He disappears. Police search for the cabbie and the woman. Do they find him? Do they find Miss Crazy?
THE WIZARD OF MULTIPLE OH-zzzzzzzz: (Shadey Erotic Tale) A fast talking dude that knows how to flap his tongue (and not only to give out ambiguous advice). He’s so good…the multiples have multiples when he pops out from behind the curtain and services, a good witch, a bad witch and female munchkins as they scream…Ohhhhhhhhhh. Ozzzzzzzzzzzzz. No plot. It’s an erotic tale….okay, porn.