Driving Miss Crazy and other Hollywood Remakes

This blog post is dedicated to my CCC (Cool Crazy Chick) friend and fellow blogger, Lafemmeroar who encouraged me to share the following post, after discussing Hollywood remakes on her blog.

I’m still traumatized by the way Hollywood bastardized Bewitched. It was quite simply, horrible, as are some of their other recycled movies, so I thought if Hollywood gave me a shot at remaking one of their blockbusters, these would be my versions for a few movies:

TWIT-LIGHT: (A romantic tragedyA young virgin girl captures the attention of a golden-haired, yellow-eyed, Werewolf turned Vampire turned Zombie.

So infatuated with him, she purposely gets bitten by another Vampire so she could be her fantasy man’s Twit-For-Life-Mate.

However, the joke’s on her, because the Werewolf-Vampire-Zombie hybrid is really a Hollywood actor who is researching to play in a movie.  The Twit-for-Life-Mate wannabe, who can’t adjust to fangs or a diet of blood, ends up staked by the rabid Hollywood actor’s fans and dies a virgin. Very sad.

DRIVING MISS CRAZY (Mystery): A cab driver’s memoir of the time he drove a woman three hundred miles, only to find out she had no where to go.  During the journey, she became so enamored with the cabbie, she indicated she wanted to wear his skin. He disappears. Police search for the cabbie and the woman. Do they find him? Do they find Miss Crazy?

THE WIZARD OF MULTIPLE OH-zzzzzzzz: (Shadey Erotic Tale) A fast talking dude that knows how to flap his tongue (and not only to give out ambiguous advice). He’s so good…the multiples have multiples when he pops out from behind the curtain and services, a good witch, a bad witch and female munchkins as they scream…Ohhhhhhhhhh. Ozzzzzzzzzzzzz.  No plot. It’s an erotic tale….okay, porn. 

Please feel free to re-create your a movie in the comment section. Would love to hear your take on blockbusters.

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14 thoughts on “Driving Miss Crazy and other Hollywood Remakes

  1. LMAO. Those are awesome. “It’s an erotic tale…. okay, porn.”

    You always give us homework. I’ll need a few moments to think about my selection.

  2. I didn’t see the remake of Bewitched once I heard that Larry Tate wasn’t a character. How dumb is that? I’m not much for remakes or books into movies because they’re usually butchered for no good reason. I read Jurassic Park, but when I saw the movie I noticed changes that made no sense. For instance, in the book it was the boy who was the computer whiz, not the girl. But in the movie it was the girl. I know that’s not remake related, but it still bugs me. LOL

    I’ve seen lots of versions of A Christmas Carol, and most have been different, but good. Can’t think of any others right now, but when I do then I’ll be back. Ah, there’s a remake not needed – The Terminator. Or did they make one already and I just didn’t notice. 😉

  3. I never watch movies unless they were made in the 80’s…By the looks of this I’m clearly missing out lmao!!! 😉

  4. Magic Mike
    I would replace Matthew McConaughey. He’s not a bad actor but I just can’t stand his Mrs. Beasley haircut or his crazy eyes. Maybe Johnny Depp or Robert Downey Jr. Perhaps? I would send Alex Pettyfer to a hairstylist to cut those damn bangs out of his face and give Joe Manganiello a break from his hourly crunches and let him have more of a speaking role as long as he keeps his shirt off. Channing Tatum can stay in the main acting role but in my version, he smartens up and ditches the idea of fulfilling his dream of building custom furniture and dumps the nice girl with the piranha mouth to start his own multimillionaire strip club and runs off with a hot cocktail waitress who’s secretly robbing him blind.
    I just don’t know why I don’t write screenplays.
    Fun post Selena and I agree, they butchered Bewitched and should have left well enough alone. 🙂

  5. G.I. Joe: Redecoration—
    A team of highly trained, top secret, special ops soldiers join forces to tackle the most dangerous fashion, decor, and design problems facing the U.S. today. Among their nemeses are: mullets (original and femullet); the color mauve; tacky, broken down faux leather recliners; denim jumpers; and crimping irons. Together they combat bad choices to keep us safe.

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