Tag Archive | humor

LIFE HACKS

 

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1. If your significant other is mad, put a cape on them and tell them they are now “super mad.” If they laugh, they’re a keeper.

2. To keep cake real moist, eat it all in one sitting.

3. Laughter and a nap will cure anything.

4. Master the art of self-deprecating humor–it leads to appreciating all humor.

5. Every time we make stupid people famous, a unicorn dies. Don’t do it.

6. For cheap entertainment, go to a shopping mall, stop, and stare at the ceiling, and check out how many other people will stop and stare.

7. Don’t throw away your old electric toothbrush head, it makes an amazing jewelry cleaner.

8. Revive limp celery by standing it up in an ice-cold glass of water. This ONLY works for celery. 😉

9.  Parents can always make their children behave in public, simply threaten to sing loudly.

 

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Humor saves the day.

Please join me in welcoming, the talented and multi-published Rosanna Leo to my blog as she talks about injecting a bit of humor in her writing and in life.

Rosanna’s book, VICE is up for nomination at The Romance Reviews. If you have read Kate and Liam’s story and enjoyed it, please drop by and nominate her book.

Rosanna also has a new release PREDATOR’S RESCUE and is sharing the blurb and an excerpt.

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 “A Little Humor Saves the Day”
by
Rosanna Leo

Thanks so much to Selena for hosting me on my blog tour for Predator’s Rescue, book 7 of my Gemini Island Shifters series. I’m thrilled to be here.

1Selena writes humor so well and I love to use it in my books as well.

Fans of my paranormal romance series will know the series has taken a darker turn with the last couple of books but one thing has remained the same. No matter what sorts of obstacles the characters encounter, there will also be an element of humor to lighten the load.

Why employ humor in a series that features shape-shifters and murder and a nefarious villain or two? Because at some point, we need to laugh.

No one’s life is completely light or dark. We all live in the grey areas from time to time. Sometimes the best way to endure life’s hardships is to crack a joke. No matter how desperate situations become for my characters, it’s important to me to give the reader a breather. A release. We can’t live on the edge all the time.

Throw in a bit of humor here and there and the characters will feel more real. When the dark times come, we will root for the characters even more. And when the evitable resolution comes around, we will rejoice.

Remember when Mary Tyler Moore broke into laughter at the funeral for Chuckles the Clown? That’s exactly what I’m getting at.

Have a laugh today.

 

I hope you enjoy PREDATOR’S RESCUE.

1Tiger shifter Jani Fodor should have washed his hands of Fleur Bissette long ago. However, when she disappears from the shape-shifter sanctuary on Gemini Island, he can’t forget her, and launches a fraught two-week search to find her. He thinks she’ll be grateful but the petulant she-wolf resents his intrusion in her life.

Jani recently liberated Fleur from a vicious cult of shape shifters, where she was brainwashed by the sadistic August Crane. The wolf shifter terrorized their friends at the Ursa Fishing Lodge and Resort on Gemini Island. Labeled a “bad girl” all her life, Fleur knows she’ll never fit in with the good guys at the Ursa, no matter how much Jani tries to convince her of their regard. Besides, she can’t stay with Jani. Although he’s the closest thing she’s ever had to a friend, their chemistry is explosive in the worst way.

When a new menace arises, in the form of a vicious drug dealer with a grudge, Jani is adamant Fleur accept his help to rehabilitate her addict mother and remove her from the influence of her dealer. Fleur accepts Jani’s assistance but as they work together, friendship erupts into passion. Neither can deny their lust-struck spirit animals and before long, they realize their connection runs deeper than they ever expected.

Despite the threats posed by the drug dealer, the worst danger of all dwells inside Fleur. Haunted by the spirit of August Crane, Fleur is inundated by visions that torment her. She is consumed by guilt and plagued by old hostilities. Can this bad girl make good? And is Jani’s love enough to save her from her demons?

Enjoy an excerpt from PREDATOR’S RESCUE:

Once again, Jani’s temper flared but he swallowed his simmering rage. He stood and raised his voice so he could be heard over Loretta Lynn’s tinny warbling as it emanated from the jukebox. “Now I’m going to ask everyone in this shithole one more time. I’m looking for Fleur Bissette. Where is she?”

There was a crash and a feminine cry from behind one of the closed doors. Jani didn’t hesitate. He launched himself off his stool and toward the door, already on the verge of shifting. His tiger hairs danced in anticipation under his skin, ready to burst through his pores.

The two men who’d approached him grabbed him by the shoulders and hauled him back.

“Hey, asshole,” the grizzly man shouted. “You’re not allowed back there. Private parties only.”

Jani glanced at the hand on his shoulder and then at the man. “One warning. Take your hands

Jani glanced at the hand on his shoulder and then at the man. “One warning. Take your hands off me.”

The idiot snorted and looked at his pal. “Why waste your time lookin’ for Fleur anyway? That girl’s nothing but trouble. Trouble loves her. In fact, she’s probably spreading her legs to trouble right now.”

Jani reached for the man’s arms and spun him around. “What did you say?”

“It’s all the bitch knows how to do. That’s all women like her are good for anyway.”

Jani reared back and let his fist fly, cracking it against the man’s face. The grizzly shifter flew across the room, hitting the back wall, collapsing to the floor. The grim satisfaction of seeing the man crumple overrode any pain in his knuckles. In fact, it felt so good to hit the jackass he had to hold his hand behind his back so he wouldn’t hit him again.

No one, no one, insulted Fleur. The man was lucky Jani didn’t kill him for the slight. Fleur had been called too many names in her time, and he’d made it his mission to see she was never belittled again.

Jani nodded toward the other men. “Don’t even think of stopping me.”

He tried the closed door, relieved to find it unlocked. He flung the door open and his tiger senses homed in on her immediately.

Fleur had clearly been serving drinks to the small group of shifter bikers inside, but one of them had gotten a little too close to the new waitress. Her tray of drinks lay on the floor, smashed, and one of the men had her over his lap. His large hand caressed her ass as she squirmed in his grip.

As time seemed to freeze for Jani, Fleur turned to glance at him. She mouthed his name.

The silent plea made his heart twist in his chest. Had she actually spoken aloud? He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t hear her voice. His ears were ringing too much as his tiger roared her name.

Her dark eyes seemed to grow darker, black with emotion, but he didn’t take time to analyze the sentiment flitting behind her irises.

With a noise that must have sounded more animal than man, Jani raced toward her and pulled her off the man’s lap. He moved her toward the door, so she wouldn’t be hurt in the melee. He then turned to the shithead who’d grabbed her, a growl emanating from his furious core.

The biker, startled and likely drunk, didn’t react quickly enough to shift. Jani hauled him off his chair and thrust him toward the wall.

“Jani,” Fleur called, her voice loud and clear now. “Don’t. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

“His hand was on your ass. I know enough.”

One of the other men was foolhardy enough to try to stop him. He tried to yank Jani away but Jani snapped his arm back, using his elbow to hammer the man in the face. Cradling his bloody nose, the man retreated.

Jani turned his attention back to the shifter who’d groped Fleur. “That was the last time you ever touch her.” Bracing himself, he head-butted him. A sickening crack sounded in the room. The man moaned, his eyes rolled back, and he dropped to the floor.

Ignoring the pain exploding through his forehead, Jani marched toward Fleur, picked her up, and hauled her over his shoulder.

“Hey. Put me down! You have no right.”

No right. He might have laughed if he wasn’t concerned about getting her out of there in one piece.

Holding out his free arm to warn off any others who might consider having a go at him, Jani carried the writhing Fleur out of the room and out of the bar. His heart thumped against his chest just from holding her. Granted, he hadn’t quite envisioned holding her like this, her ass high in the air near his face, but it pleased him more than he cared to admit out loud. Something about the scenario made his inner caveman very happy.

Purchase Predator’s Rescue:

Liquid Silver Books
Amazon
Google Play
iTunes
Kobo

Coming soon to ARE and Barnes & Noble.

Add Predator’s Rescue to Goodreads.

About Rosanna Leo

1Rosanna Leo is a multi-published, erotic romance author. Several of her books about Greek gods, selkies and shape shifters have been named Top Picks at Night Owl Romance and The Romance Reviews.

From Toronto, Canada, Rosanna occupies a house in the suburbs with her long-suffering husband, their two hungry sons and a tabby cat named Sweetie. When not writing, she can be found haunting dusty library stacks or planning her next star-crossed love affair.

A library employee by day, she is honored to be a member of the league of naughty librarians who also happen to write romance.

Stay in touch with Rosanna:

Blog
Amazon Author Page
Goodreads
Tsu
Pinterest
Facebook
Twitter

 

Life Tips

1. Relationship Tip: Ask your significant other at 6:00 a.m. how they visualize porcupines making love. This will lead to an interesting conversation.

2. Mental health Tip: DON’T read a ton of news media links. DON’T read a lot of social media posts (I know, the irony). DO read a lot of fiction. I recommend romance, but it’s all good.

3. Anti-Wrinkle Tip: Sunscreen. That’s all you need.

4. Lip Tip: Coconut oil. Tastes good and makes that pucker so smooth.

5. When life hands you lemons Tip: Add another 11 to make a dozen. For water. For salads. For inexpensive hair rinse. They smell good. They clean windows and glass better than chemical cleaners. Also good with ice, Tequila, Vodka…any happy juice.

6. Social Media Tip: Let’s turn the phrase “haters gonna hate” (seriously overdone) to “bakers gonna bake.”

7. Baking Tips: Put a heat-proof bowl of water on the bottom of your oven when baking a cake, muffins, or bread, keeps the air inside moist.

8. Weekend Tip: Hang out with your loved ones, guaranteed they’ll make you forget to look at your phone.

9. Reduce Stress Tip: Have at least one day with no technology around you. No TV. No news. Laze around with music, books, your pet….whatever recharges your batteries.

10. WIN the Lottery Tip: People who have left a review of my books have won the lottery. Seriously. Try it. What have you got to lose? 😉

 

 

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Life Tips According to the Tao of Selena

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have read a string of tweets with the hashtag #TaoOfSelena also known as deep, philosophical thoughts (deep and philosophical is open to interpretation of course).

For those not familiar with my Twitter habits, I am pleased to share them with you here.

I hope The Tao of Selena changes your life—I know, that’s a bit dramatic, but as an Italian chick drama is a right of passage.

If my thoughts don’t change your life, my wish is that this blog post will grant you a smile or a chuckle. It’s why I love writing so much, in hopes that my musings will provide a few minutes of entertainment.

The Tao of Selena

Nothing brings a couple closer than having separate bathrooms.

Nothing in the world is impossible. Wait, flying on your own—that’s impossible. So do it with something that has wings like an; airplane, hand glider or a parachute.

A happy relationship is the union of two strong debaters.

When in doubt. Google.

Still in doubt? Check Snopes.

Treat me nice, I’ll treat you better. Treat my family, friends or me like crap—I know people.

Don’t ever argue with someone who has four siblings. They can go back and forth all day long. They’ve had experience.

Never get tired of teasing & making fun of each other. That’s what good relationships are made of.

Chocolate, music and cuddling are all cheaper than therapy and you don’t have to sit in a waiting room.

The grass is greener on the other side because it was watered, weeded & dog poop was picked up—all accomplished without complaint.

Winter really does have snow

Every woman needs that friend(s) who is the she in her nanigans.

Every man (even a bonified “Maverick”) needs a “Goose” wingman in their corner.

We’re not here for a long time. We’re here for an awesome time. So go awesomize the world.

When starting something new, and the challenges seem overwhelming, don’t place your faith in the “what-ifs”, pour all your faith in the “why not’s?” Remember all the challenges you’ve already conquered, and go forth and do it. Whatever “it” is for you.

 

 

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How to enjoy Hawaii for 99 cents.

hawaii

That’s right.

I’ve tried magic to get to Hawaii…by twitching my nose a la Bewitched style. Didn’t work.

I tried clicking my heels three times and repeating…”there’s no place like the tropics…there’s no place like the tropics….” Didn’t work.

What did work was to write a novel and send my characters to the islands.

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Now you can lose yourself in the book and escape to Paradise, inhale the saltiness and freshness of ocean’s breeze, hear the palm trees swaying in the warm breeze, bask on a white sand beach, witness spectacular sunsets, and enjoy sinfully exquisite cocktails and culinary fare, and all it takes is a click to your favorite online book retailer and 99 cents.

WAGW-SALE

 

How did other readers enjoy escaping to Hawaii in WHAT A GIRL WANTS?

You can read a few readers thoughts here.

 

Slideshow of book’s aesthetics representing a few scenes.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

 

A few teasers to enjoy from the book.

 

On Sale for 99 cents for a limited time.

Available at:

Amazon.com
Amazon.ca
Amazon.UK
Barnes & Noble
iTunes
Kobo
Samhain Publishing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Shaved My Legs for THIS?

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Have you ever been on a date where there was too much back-story and the prologue so long that you didn’t think you’d last through the appetizer, let alone dinner, and you’re thinking,“I shaved my freakin’ legs for this?” 

Please welcome authors, Nancy LauzonRenee Wildes and Donna Alward as they join me in sharing a bad date experience. 

 

Selena’s experience:

Mine wasn’t really a planned date. It was foisted upon me by my brother (to this day, I still say in a dramatic way—”You sold me out for a ride in a fancy sports car?” (Yes, I milk my childhood mishaps).

I was fifteen at the time and I was at a big Italian wedding with my family. One of the guests was someone I knew from the neighborhood. Every community had one. You know the type, rich, popular, great hair…the Fonzie of the neighborhood. Except he never impressed me.

A. He was too full of himself and I was never one to follow a trend or the crowd…especially the group of girls who visibly drooled whenever he entered a room.

B. His family scared me. Especially his grandmother. More on that later.

1I’m pretty sure the only reason he wanted to ask me to dance was because I ignored him and didn’t salivate or swoon over him at this wedding.

Unknown to me, my brother made a backroom deal with this dude. My brother guaranteed Dude that I would dance with him if my brother got to drive his brand new sports car around the block. (16 year old’s with brand new sports car that daddy bought them, another reason not to like this guy). My brother to this day defends himself: “At least I didn’t sell you for a herd of goats.” (Like that even makes any sense or justifies his wanton greed to drive a sports car).

My brother then promised me he’d help convince my parents for me to go on a school trip, if I’d just dance with the Greek-Fonzie-Adonis for just one dance.

I thought, what the heck, one dance won’t kill me. No, it won’t kill me, but I just about killed HIM.

You see, Greek-Fonzie-Adonis was severely allergic to shellfish. I had just finished eating a shrimp cocktail.

We danced.

He went in for a kiss.

I told him he’d lose an arm, leg or whatever necessary part he loved, if he tried to kiss me.

He didn’t believe me. He planted a big one on me.

First his tongue swelled.

Then he gasped and fell to the floor.

His mother came running over with an Epi pen.

His grandmother pointed at me, gave me the “Evil Eye,” said a string of things, while shaking her bony fingers at me in Greek and then in broken English told me she put a spell on me for trying to kill her oh-so-sweet grandson.

And the band played on. . .

I shaved my legs for this? by Nancy Lauzon

My worst date happened back in college. I had a crush on some guy who was a friend of my roommate’s boyfriend. He was very quiet, so I couldn’t tell if we had anything in common or not, but he was so good-looking I didn’t care. We went on a double date to a local amusement park. Things were going pretty well, until half-way through the evening, my date disappeared.

1That’s right, he disappeared. I can’t remember the exact details. Maybe I went to the restroom or maybe he left to get cotton candy. All I know is, he vanished into thin air. My roommate and her boyfriend looked everywhere, but he was nowhere to be found. Needless to say, it was quite a blow to my ego. To say I was embarrassed would be putting it mildly.

I was almost hoping he’d been struck dead by a runaway roller coaster car, but alas, that was not the case. He never explained himself or apologized to me. His official excuse — sent via my roommate’s boyfriend — was he’d suddenly forgotten he had to be somewhere, and couldn’t find me to explain. R-iiight.

I shaved my legs for this? by Renee Wildes

1I grew up a tomboy and I’m still not a girlie-girl, but even I have my limits. I agreed to go camping with…Grizzly Adams, I swear to God. I was thinking tent and Dinty Moore and s’mores. But noooo…

It rained, the tent blew down and we had to do laundry in a RIVER. With leeches. Seriously, THAT’S what the salt was for??? Eww. Stupid me thinking it was for Margaritas! He wanted to show me this cool cave. Really cool – until a bat pooed on my head. Tried drying the darn clothes on a tree branch – I fell out of the tree. Everything smelled like mud and smoke and…trout guts. I can’t eat anything with the eyes still looking at me, people. I was starving when I got home! I took a two-hour bubble bath and pigged out on fried chicken and Haagen Dasz.

I shaved my legs for this? by Donna Alward

When I was fourteen I experienced the sweetest, most romantic moment a fourteen-year-old girl could hope for. I was sledding with friends over the Christmas break and the whole week I’d had a thing for my friend’s cousin. He was 16. We were at the top of the hill, lying in the snow looking up at the stars, and a shooting star went zooming across the sky. And then he kissed me.

You’re all sighing right now, right? And you’re thinking, Hey, Donna, this is supposed to be a BAD DATE story. What the heck?

Fast forward about 4 years.

I’m going to university an hour or so from where this guy lives, and he calls me up, asks if I want to go out. Now bear in mind after a few months of cute letters back and forth, our brief romance kind of died off. But…good memories, right? So I say sure. It’s just a movie after all. And I’m curious.

1He picks me up in his old pickup, which isn’t that big of a deal. None of us are driving anything new, we’re struggling students. Except he’s not alone. He’s brought a friend along. ON A DATE. And while I did my hair and dressed cute and all that stuff, he had on an old paid of jeans and a T-shirt and a ball cap. And not the cute kind of ball cap either, more the “I got this for free from the local garage” kind of ball cap, complete with nylon mesh. I’m already thinking this isn’t the most promising start.

The movie we go to see? The most romantic movie of all time, of course! TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES. The three of us. Then we went to a Chinese place for something to eat…let’s just say sitting there with two 20-year old guys being, well, GUYS…. (need I say more?)

To be honest, I was really disappointed. I have some very good memories of times spent in their neck of the woods and it was like he was a whole other person. Then again, maybe I was too. But I never understood why he asked me on a date and then…that was his idea of a date?

I don’t remember if he kissed me goodnight or not, or if he even tried. But I do remember being relieved when he was gone, and sad to have that teenage bubble of sweet memories popped by a pin of reality.

What is your bad date story?

 

 

Growing Up Italian

It’s re-run season in TV land and blogging land. Re-posting this post for all the new followers (thank you for hooking up with me here, I appreciate each and every one of you who support this blog—may all your pizza be delicious and your meatballs melt in your mouth, and the luck of Italian be with you always. 🙂 )

1. The word calm is not in the Italian dictionary.

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2. Thanksgiving dinner included; antipasto platter, lasagna, meatballs. Turkey was a side.

3. I don’t want to be that girl, but roasted peppers, Nutella, pesto, deep fried zucchini was a staple for us way before it was trendy.

4. You learned how to make pasta before entering Kindergarten, and you didn’t practice with play dough.

5. When your friends came to your place to play, they were asked no fewer than five times if they were hungry.

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6.  We had gardens—not flower gardens. Huge gardens with rows and rows of tomatoes, along with peppers, basil, squash and zucchini.

7. We knew that the word “Latte” is an Italian’s way of saying, “You paid way too much for that coffee.”

8. It is drilled into your mind at a very young age how to make pizza, but if you have absolutely no choice then you know how to order pizza properly, asking for 75% less cheese than your non-Italian friends would order.

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9. You have multiple family members named Maria, Angela, Joe, Tony and at least two Uncle Mario’s.

10. You know how to properly pronounce “gnocchi,” “bruschetta,” and “tagliatelle,” which means you’re the spokesperson when out to dinner with your non-Italian friends and family.

11. Salad was always eaten AFTER the main course. (I still do this.)

12. Chamomile tea cures everything.

13. Every Sunday afternoon lunch time with extended family started at 1:00 and ended at 6:00, and there was enough food for everyone to have a second helping and take food home for their week’s lunches.

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14. Your Saints day is even more celebrated than your birthday. (Except for me, I don’t have a Saint’s day, but then again I was born in Canada, and that seems to be a loophole according to my siblings, which brings me to number 15).

15. If you were the first generation Canadian, your siblings convinced you that you were adopted.

16. Shocked when you heard someone’s last name did not end in a vowel.

17. Surprised to discover that wine was sold in stores. Wasn’t everyone’s basement a winery?

18. NO VOLUME CONTROL WHEN THE FAMILY GETS TOGETHER.

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19. You know a lot of people who came from the same village as your parents or grandparents, they’re not blood related, but call them Aunt, Uncle anyway.

20. Thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and had money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.

21. You couldn’t date a boy without getting approval from your mother, father, brothers, sister, a nanna and nonno if they are in the picture, and a few uncles and aunts, by that time, you didn’t have to worry about dating. Ever again.

22. You have at least one irrational fear or phobia that can be attributed to your mother, which of course you pass on to your own children when the time is right.

23. You know that it doesn’t matter what happens; loss of job, divorce, headache, flu, clumsiness….it’s all because you did not eat properly that day and of course, you didn’t listen to your parents.

24. No matter what city you are in, you need to go and visit their Little Italy.

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25.  You did the dishes for Nonna or a Zia (Aunt) and got $50.00.

 

All this and more, but you love every minute of it, and look forward to sharing these traditions with the next generation. 

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ITALIAN RECIPES:

 

FINAL-BUNDLE-cover

 

I’ve included many Italian recipes in my book: WISHES, STITCHES & DISHES: Bundle of Family Fun, available on AMAZON.

Plus, you get a children’s book and a comedy short story along with OVER 100 recipes.