Tag Archive | Grieving

Widowhood–Navigating the emotional minefield on Valentine’s Day

BLOG-COVER

After my beloved husband died in 2018, I knew that the days ahead, navigating through this new life I never wanted, would be challenging.

Inevitably I encountered emotional landmines, especially during the holidays, riding a roller coaster of triggered anxiety and depression. Even something simple as grocery shopping and spotting a carton of orange sherbet—his favourite dessert—swallowed me whole with a fresh wave of grief.

Now that the bright lights of Christmas and New Year’s are behind us, a new landmine blasts at every turn complete with hearts, flowers, chocolates and advertisements for dinner for two–and when you’re suffering heartache as a widow or widower on Valentine’s Day, they seem to pop up everywhere.

 

Image result for nostalgic kids valentine's cards

 

My husband and I didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with a lot of fanfare, as he was a “here’s-a-gift-for-no-reason” type of guy, however, we did mark the day in our own way.

He’d kick off the morning by serving me tea and toast, using peanut butter to draw a heart on the toast. I  would buy him a card—the kind we used to give as kids at school–of course, there wasn’t anything childlike in the note I’d writtem inside the card. wink

 

cardHe’d also give me a card—the traditional “for all occasions card.”

Twenty-years ago, my husband gave me a card for my birthday–the card looked oddly familiar, and then when I opened the card I knew why it looked familiar. He had given me that card on our anniversary with a sticky note inside with his endearment—here it was again for my birthday, with a different note inside.

It was a running joke that I treasured all these years, as he said it saved him from never forgetting a card for any occasion, he’d just recycle the card and just change the sticky note to suit the occasion.

ROSESInstead of buying me a bouquet of roses or flowers for Valentine’s Day, he’d plant roses and beautiful flowers—perennial wild flowers and annuals in the garden.

I have a black thumb, so my contribution was providing cold lemonade and exchange witty innuendos about gardening with him. I loved sitting in the garden and watching him (great view for me 🙂 ) work his magic with the flowers and vegetable garden he lovingly nurtured.

As I said earlier, he loved giving gifts for no reason, and about six months after he died, I finally went through a few of his things in his man cave area, and discovered a binder filled with vintage Beatles cards.

beatlesI figured out that he had been collecting them to surprise me with them at some point, but with chemotherapy and in his weakened state, he hadn’t spend much downtime in his man cave, and I am guessing he forgot about that binder with all that was going on.

It was a bittersweet moment, and I remember having to spend a day in bed after finding the cards—the heart ache was so intense. I then shook myself out of my despair and with tears in my eyes, felt joy for his thoughtfulness. I forced myself to go to MICHAEL’s and purchased a frame. Some of the cards hang in my office where I can enjoy them.

 

Image result for heart emoji

This Valentine’s Day I will make myself toast and use peanut butter to draw a heart on it; I will hold the for-every-occasion-card close to my heart; I will look out into the garden and take in the tall oak tree, and remember the day twenty-eight-years ago when we planted the acorn together on the first day we moved into our home.

I will open the treasure trove of memories my husband left me from the beautiful life he lovingly gifted me every single day of our marriage, remember his deep love, his smile, his wit, his great sense of humour, and how passionate he was about our family, and although it will be another heart-wrenching reminder of all that I’ve lost, I will force myself to smile through the tears and continue to be grateful for the everlasting love we share.

As I do every night, I will close my eyes, remember his soft kisses and say, “I’ll see you on the other side of the stars, my love.”

Heart, Moon, Night Sky, Love, Thoughts, Happy, Luck

We Relate. We Understand.
We Listen. We Care.

I asked my friends; sisters and brothers in shared grief how they will mark Valentine’s day without the love of their lives and they generously agreed to submit their thoughts.

We all hope that by sharing we will help others who are painstakingly navigating a new life without their life partners to see they are not alone in their grief, and to also help family members understand what their loved one may be feeling during this time.

 

Image result for heart emoji

This year I will be in Vegas celebrating my birthday just a little late. But I’ve always liked Valentine’s Day. Mike and I were both romantic and enjoyed holidays, so when he was alive we always went out for a nice dinner, and he got me roses and chocolate. The way I will celebrate this year is to post a picture on Facebook, saluting the man who will always be my Valentine. Blythe Pulsipher Smith 

Image result for heart emoji

It will just be another day for me. Pen Women meeting and book club. We have one other widow in book club so she might surprise us with some Valentine cookies but I’m not betting on it, nor do I plan to do anything myself. In the evening we have a blue grass gig at our local Black Rose acoustic group. Nothing special. I would like to be pleasantly surprised. Diane Hoover

Image result for heart emoji

Flowers would appear, seemingly out of nowhere, for me on Valentines Day when my husband was alive. Even when we were living together in a small RV after Hurricane Katrina, for four years flowers would appear in the morning and I have no idea where he hid them because there’s no place to hide anything in a tiny RV housing three dogs and two people. He didn’t just buy me flowers because it was Valentine’s Day. He bought them for me because I like flowers. A lot. On Valentine’s Day now, I buy myself flowers. In memory for my love. Therra Cat Jaramillo

Image result for heart emoji

Going to lunch with my sister and Dad and dad’s friends from the Senior Center ! Then off for a meeting with my financial man !! Just another day in the life of a widow! Susie Park Welch

Image result for heart emoji

I took the day off work. Decided I’d rather work around the house than think about it (Lori passed away on Feb 18, 2014 so our last Valentine’s Day was one where she was in a coma in the hospital and I was sitting bedside).  Paul M. Carhart

Image result for heart emoji

We did not celebrate and I’m okay with that. Walt was weird about holidays. Birthday sure, tho he did not like being reminded of his own LOL. But he hated the commercialization of Christmas and Valentine’s and rebelled against the social pressure. He was more about doing random things for absolutely no reason but that he loved me. So, Valentine’s is just another day and afterward candy is on sale. 😊 Mica Stone

Image result for heart emoji

I’ve escaped to California to visit my brother and sis in law. We’re going to a winery for a tasting and then he’s cooking us a special dinner. It’s peaceful here and I didn’t want to be alone in the house Joe and I created together. Susan Ricci 

Image result for heart emoji

Who says you can’t meet the love of your life in a bar. It was a very special day for us. We met on Valentines day- 1979. I was going out with a buddy to a popular bar where we were meeting friends from work. I armed myself with three dozen roses and headed out. Over the next couple of hours, I gave out all my roses and spent all my money. I ended up at the bar with my buddy at the end of the night.

(That sounds kind of sad when I say it out loud) 🙂 I did not however feel lonely or disappointed. It had been a fun evening. While I was sitting there at the bar, a gorgeous woman sat down next to me. She bought Me a beer. Did I mention that I had spent all my money? 🙂 We talked until the bar closed and parted ways, exchanging phone numbers. I knew at that point that something was different. Something was special. We began dating the next weekend and moved forward from there for the next 37 years.

Tough day. Usually a toast. I don’t need much to remember it by. It is seared in my memory as one of the best days of my life and changed forever. As with most of the memories, I feel that warmer fondness these days and at those times and try to focus on. that as I blow a delicate kiss to her place in the Universe and feel her spirit with me.
Jeff Ashmun

Image result for heart emoji

It’s going to be a day like any other day of the week. I have had a lot of single friends through the years and figure if they go through this couple’s celebration every year, then I can, too. Its all the hype around it that drives me a little crazy. If I find myself getting upset I quickly push myself through it. Not much different than the Xmas décor starting in October. After losing Don on Christmas Eve, I couldn’t deal with the reminders of the season. Last year wasn’t as bad so I know I’m moving forward. Sue Phillips

Image result for heart emoji

Going to a play at the community theater, “Murder on the Orient Express.” I got the very last ticket for the performance. Someone had to buy that ticket, and that person was me. Susan Matley

Image result for heart emoji

I like yellow roses, his preference was red. So if he purchased a dozen roses for me they would be 11 yellow and 1 red. And vice versa if I bought them for him. I think tomorrow I’ll just go buy one of each color. Jan Hayne

 

 

 

10 Inspirational Grieving Quotes to Comfort You #grief #grieving #inspirationalquotes

 

 

 

A New Life After Death

On May 4, 2017, I hung onto my husband’s hand as we listened to a team of specialists explain the ramifications of my husband’s diagnosis of Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer.

In that moment, all the oxygen got sucked out of our lives, and it felt as if someone had turned off the light switch to our world, shrouding us in darkness.

I was filled with fear, angst and an intense sadness and I worried I would never regain any composure or strength.

It was my husband who composed himself quickly, squeezed my hand and said, We’ll get through this.”

 

BL0G-MEME-3

 

I felt the love flow from his fingertips straight to my soul; we took deep breaths and pulled ourselves together, and as we did throughout our marriage when faced with a challenge, we held onto to each other tight, and prepared for the emotional roller coaster we knew we were about to take.

From that moment on, we filled our home with love, laughter, and spending every minute of every day together, celebrating the moments, cherishing our time together,  with family and close friends.

We turned the seven-hour chemo treatments at the Cancer Center into “dates,” complete with all our favourite board games, snacks, and the memory board we put together filled with pictures of our travels, and family adventures through the years.

 

BLOG-MEME-1

 

Cancer is a short drive from optimism and laughter to the cul-de-sac of worry and anxiety about the future, however, we remained adamant about taking it one moment at a time, working hard not to drive down “What-if Avenue” or “Brooding Dead End.”

 

CANCER CANOOT

 

My husband was bombarded with countless blood tests, medication–enough to open our own pharmacy, treatments, clinical trials, emergency trips to the hospital, and endured harsh side effects.

He went through all this, maintaining his incredible sense of humor, wit, selflessness, and kindness; never complaining or asking “why me?”

A true warrior.

 

BLOG-MEME-4

 

On June 5, 2018, we were delivered devastating news; there were no more treatments available, as the cancer had spread and there was nothing else that could be done.

I held my husband’s hand and said, “We’ll get through this.”

For the first time since I’ve known him, he looked at me, despondent and said, “Not this time, my love.”

On July 10, 2018, I held my beloved husband in my arms as we said our last “I love you’s.”

lAST LOVE YO

 

Since that day, I have faced the hardest months of my life. In the early months, it felt like I had lost a limb, was dropped off in a dark forest, with no instructions on how to find the light, and having to navigate my way through this forest without the use of a limb.

Every day presents a new challenge, the grieving at times is more intense now than in the early days, and missing him is even hard to put into words.

 

FOR THE BLOG

 

For those of you who have endured the loss of a spouse—that person who is not only your lover, but best friend and the one person that would’ve helped you the most during this grieving period, you know that it changes you as a person.

I did find my way out of that dark forest, although, it still feels like I am missing a limb, and embraced my mission of moving forward and honouring my husband’s life, and his legacy of live, love, laugh and stay passionate about all things that bring positivism into my own life and into my family’s life.

With the support of family, friends and a group beautiful souls who have also lost their life partners, I’m doing okay adjusting to this new life.

I’ve redecorated my surroundings, changed my daily routine, volunteering at my grandson’s school, enjoying the little ones at every chance I get, and remaining committed to living up to the promise I made my husband that I would continue following my passion with creative writing.
I wanted to let you all know why I’ve been absent all these months, and not updating the blog.

My goal is to start uploading new recipes, and updating you on my creative writing journey, and at times talk about grief, and hopefully reach out and help others who may be struggling as well.

Thank you for sticking with me all these months, and I send out my best wishes and love to you all as you too navigate through the challenges in your life.

 

candle-3026952_1920

 

In Loving Memory of our cherished & beloved Warrior

 

IMG_0002 (1)

Cancer may have taken your body,
and now Heaven has your soul,
I have your heart; forever intertwined with mine.

“Humor and grief. Like apple pie and ice cream?”

Please join me in welcoming Rosanna Leo to this week’s Tasty Tuesday installment.

Rosanna is chatting about how humor and grief go together, and is dishing up a slice of…I bet you think I’m going to say apple pie, right? Well, she’s fresh out of home baked goodies, instead she is serving up a slice of her new, hot and sexy release SELKIE’S REVENGE (blurb and excerpt posted below).

Never fear, there’s always food on the blog on Tuesday’s, so in honor of Rosanna’s blog post and because she’s as sweet as apple pie…I’m sharing an apple pie recipe that is as delicious as the Selkie on Rosanna’s book cover.

Trust me, the sauce that goes with this recipe is like a big ‘O’ for your taste buds (recipe below).

Without further ado, or naughty food metaphors, I give you, the witty and fun-loving Rosanna Leo.

* * *

I’d like to offer a huge thank you to my pal, Selena, for hosting me today! I’m so proud to be here.

If you know either of our canons of work, you know humor is pretty important to our writing. I never really fancied myself a comedic writer, but once I discovered my author’s voice, I realized there was a lot of snark and silliness in there. Go figure.

This doesn’t usually present a problem to me. You see, I write paranormal and contemporary romance and there’s plenty of room for humor in both genres. However, with my latest work, SELKIE’S REVENGE, I realized pretty quickly that it couldn’t be a total funfest. You see, one of the themes is grief and how it can devastate a person.

Funny, huh?

Perhaps not, but if you’re like me, you still laugh at that scene in Mary Tyler Moore where Mary cracks up at a funeral. Even in our darkest moments, we do seek the light. We look for something, anything, to ease our burden. And humor can be an incredible stress reliever. Just a little giggle, a modicum of silly, can sometimes take a bit of our pain away, or at least push it aside for a little while. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t tend to look for pratfalls at funerals. I don’t lay banana peels in the church aisle in the hopes of tripping up one of the funeral directors. But sometimes a shared memory can trigger a smile, even a laugh. And when that happens, another part of our heart is touched. The sadness becomes more poignant and bittersweet.

So in writing about the grieving process of my heroine, did I leave out the humor? No. Let’s face it, life is funny. And I think a book that dwells only on sadness would just about break my heart. We need something uplifting, a little sweetness. A reason to keep reading.

Have a seat with me now. Let’s put on that episode of Mary Tyler Moore, and pay homage to Chuckles the Clown. Because, dammit, it is hilarious!

Selkie's Revenge is NOW AVAILABLE at all e-book stores & distributors.

Selkie’s Revenge is NOW AVAILABLE at all e-book stores & distributors.

Blurb:

On the beaches of Orkney, Scotland, an evil entity stalks mortal women. Machar “Mack” Kirk is a selkie man with a haunted past, one that has prompted him to become a hunter. He prowls the beaches at night, his arrows aiming for the finman who took his first love.

Beth Pedersen also watches the sea. The haunted widow has suffered losses of her own, ones that have crippled her into a state of stony grief. Beth can no longer feel, can no longer see color and life. Until the day Mack Kirk saves her from a mysterious foe, flooding her world with brightness and foreign temptation.

As Mack and Beth fight their inundating passion, the finman escalates his attacks. Before long, Mack realizes he’s not just playing Good Samaritan. He wants Beth, too, and will do anything to ensure his lover isn’t taken by the finman. But can he protect his mate from a monster with no soul?

Excerpt:

As a torrent of emotion coiled up through her core, Beth kissed him. She barely understood his words, barely comprehended her own thoughts, but she knew she needed Mack’s mouth upon hers. She smashed her lips against his, and his tongue penetrated the warmth of her mouth, finding its home there. He slid his hands down her back to her bottom, and he groaned, digging into the soft flesh of her behind.

Desire and common sense raged a war inside her head. Common sense told her to pack a bag, purchase a ticket to New Smyrna, and leave Mack Kirk far behind. Desire told her to submit, and it was winning out by a mile. “I don’t know what to do. I need you to tell me what to do.”

He leaned in, smelling so sweet, like an exotic fruit she just needed to peel and gobble up. “Just let go, Beth. Just feel.”

She dared to look him in the eye. “I’m afraid to feel.”

“I know. For years I was too.” He brushed his lips against hers, and his tongue slipped out to caress between them, making her ache with such yearning. “But I’ll help you.”

Jamie and Edan arrived with beers. Edan gave Jamie a look as if knowing they’d interrupted something. “I’m heading back to the bar to try my luck with the luscious bartender.”

Jamie grimaced. “The old one with the beard?”

“Not him, you eejit,” Edan said with a grunt. “The female bartender. The one with the big…” He paused, looking at Beth. “Uh, bottle of vodka. Right, that one.” He dashed off.

Jamie winked at Beth. “I’ll get to her first.” With a smile, he was after his brother.

She leaned against Mack’s wall of a chest, wanting to lose herself in him. “Show me how to feel again.”

“With pleasure,” he growled into her ear. He nibbled her earlobe and then proceeded to slide back out of the booth.

“Where are you going?” she asked, already needy for his touch again.

“Just to the jukebox,” he replied, grinning. “You are going to dance with me. And feel.”

She watched, glued to her seat as Mack inserted a couple of coins into the jukebox and selected a song. He turned to her, his lips curled in a grin. As the first rolling guitar chords of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Have You Ever Seen the Rain?” washed over her, making her want to move, Mack beckoned to her with a finger.

Beth’s body moved toward him, responding like a homing pigeon diving toward its destination. He pulled her into his arms and they swayed. Beth had never danced so closely with a man to anything but a romantic ballad, but Mack wouldn’t break contact with her. He moved his hard body against hers, his hands on her hips, and his erection was a thick temptation grinding against her stomach. She had to fight the need to drop to her knees, rip down his jeans, and take his cock deep in her throat. The urge, and the depth of emotion accompanying it, made her light-headed. He turned her away from the bar area toward the nearest wall and slid his hands over the curve of her bottom. His fingers dug into her ass, and Beth had to remind herself they were in public. She wanted him to nail her right to the wall. Through the damn wall. She needed him inside her at all costs.

He felt so good.

My mate. Could it be?

He lowered his head so he could whisper against her ear. “Do you feel me, Beth? Do you feel my desire throbbing against you? My need to be joined to you again?”

The song reached its crescendo, and his hips rolled against hers in a heady foreshadowing of what he would do to her the next time they were alone. Beth closed her eyes. The way he moved was sinful. She imagined devils from the most depraved circles of hell might dance in such a fashion. All of a sudden, even her soft leggings felt tight and restrictive. She wanted them off. She wanted no barrier between their bodies. As if sensing her need, Mack reached a discreet hand toward her breast and located her distended nipple through her tunic. He tugged and she had to bite her lip not to cry out.

“Take me home, Mack,” she begged in an unfamiliar, wanton voice. “I want to feel more.”

12957 (167x250)About Rosanna Leo

Rosanna Leo is a multi-published, erotic romance author with Liquid Silver Books. Her books include For the Love of a God, Up In Flames, Sweet Hell, The Selkie, Sunburn and Predator’s Kiss. When not writing, she can be found haunting dusty library stacks or planning her next star-crossed love affair.

Follow Rosanna on her Blog.

Follow Rosanna on Facebook.

Tweet with Rosanna

Connect on Goodreads with Rosanna

Happy Pinning with Rosanna

APPLE PIE

Apple Pie

Ingredients:

Any pie crust recipe for a two crust, 9 inch pie. (You can use store bought pie crust to save time, including, gluten-free pie crust for the GF crowd)

1/4 cup unsalted butter

1/4 cup water

3 TBSP all-purpose flour (for the gluten-free version, you can use either almond flour or rice flour)

1/4 cup packed brown sugar

1/4 cup white sugar

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/4 tsp. salt

3 TBSP real maple syrup

8 Large apples (Granny Smith works well, or you can use your favorite variety), cored, peeled and sliced

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425 F

Add the bottom pie crust to a pie baking pan and set aside.

On the stove top, turn heat to medium and in a pot add add butter and stir until melted.

Slowly add the flour and stir until butter and flour look like a paste.

Add water, brown and white sugars, salt, cinnamon and maple syrup, stir and bring everything to a boil. Once it’s at a boil, reduce the heat to low and let mixture simmer.

Fill pie baking pan with apples.

Cover apples with strips of pie crust (like a lattice).

Remove pot from the stove and carefully its contests all over the crust. Do this slow and gentle so there is no overflow.

Bake for 15 minutes.

Reduce oven temperature to 350 and continue baking for 35 to 45 minutes.