Romance Man Uncensored

Please join me in welcoming The Romance Man to my blog for an uncensored interview. Actually, nobody censors The Matador (as he is also known as. Feel free to call him Romance Man, Matador, RM or Remy — sounds like a kinky Law firm with all those names), and we wouldn’t want him to be censored.

Since he started his blog less than a year ago, he has amassed a huge following because of his candid approach to reviewing and discussing romance in novels and in life.

If you are not already following his blog posts, or his musings on his FB Fan Page, then I highly recommend you sign up.

We’re also holding a contest (details below). Prizes include; Amazon gift certificates, autographed paperback books and e-books. 

Grab a cuppa-whatever-you-drink (on second thought, do all your drinking and bathroom breaks before you read the interview) and enjoy!

Please note: The blog post that you are about to read, contains content only suitable for adults.

I give you The Romance Man:

I am a 42-year-old married father of three beautiful girls, and I am married to a woman who deserves much better but has decided to stay with me anyway.

I started reading romance novels about a year ago. I was simply bored one day and came across Jessica Scott’s website and bought her book. I enjoyed it and pretty soon was reading them with my wife in bed at night. It has been a great experience and has brought my wife and me closer in many ways.

I thought it would be fun to start a blog about romance novels from a male point of view and The Romance Man was born. I review some romance novels. I also review books about marriage and relationships and mostly make fun of them because they all tend to suck. I write about things I care about which is mostly related to women and girls because I have daughters, and issues related to them are important to me.

Mostly, I write stupid shit and try to be funny. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, and I always feel good if I can make someone laugh.

The Interview:

Selena: What three words would your friends use to describe you?

Romance Man: Big funny dickhead

Selena: I asked you on your blog once: what’s the deal with the Sharpie Pen? You responded you will tell us when you feel we are ready. Well, we’re ready. Tell us about it.

Romance Man: Sharpie pens are fun and you can really fuck with people using them. One time when my wife was asleep naked, I drew eyeballs on the right and left top of her vagussy. It looked like her clit-hood was the nose, so I drew some glasses. When she woke up and realized what I did it was pretty funny because it wouldn’t come off.

Selena: Shout out to Lexie, payback, but use a PURPLE SHARPIE. Okay, next question: What song best describes your life?

Romance Man: Highway to Hell by Ac/Dc because it seems I am always hauling ass forward without much thought.

Selena: Favorite one line joke?

Romance Man: Mitch Hedbergs – Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus.

Selena: Most embarrassing moment? 

Romance Man: The first time I had sex. I was awful and she was experienced and her disappointment was pretty obvious.

Selena: What is the best snack you enjoy while writing blog posts for example: Chick with Dicks, Fifty Shades of Attempted Murder or your foray into BDSM?

(If you haven’t already, I strongly recommend you read these blog posts (click on the above blog post link to take you directly there). Same warning as above, do not drink anything while reading, and go pee beforehand.)

Romance Man: I can’t snack when I write it totally breaks my concentration. My favorite snack though is pretzels dipped in peanut butter.

Selena: Have you ever been mistaken for a famous personality? Actor? Musician? Male Model for baby blue leggings? If so, who?

Romance Man: I have never been mistaken for a celebrity or a male model. When I was young, people used to tell me I looked like Sean Penn although I don’t know why. Now I look more like John Candy.

Selena: An actor who starred in a movie with the word “bacon” in it. I can see why you picked him. What are the top three things you have learned about women, by reading romance novels?

Romance Man: 1. Women like strong men.

2. Women want an HEA much more than men.

3. Women really like naked men on book covers.

Selena: Biggest pet peeve about romance novels?

Romance Man: The clichés. I hate the clichés. The biggest one of all is when the heroine is in danger and refuses protection and then does everything possible to get herself killed. I also hate it that the heroine has an orgasm almost instantly. It doesn’t work that way or maybe it does and I am doing it wrong.

Selena: I agree with you about the clichés and the Too-Stupid-To-Live-Heroines. Okay, what’s the deal with your fantasy regarding Rosie O’Donnell dressed as a maid? (I went back and read your past blogs that I missed and found your Rosie O. fantasy). Really? Rosie O’Donnell? Curious minds want to know about this fantasy. Don’t worry we won’t judge. Much.

Romance Man: Man you must have been bored as shit to go that far back to read my blog. I just made the Rosie O’ Donnell thing up. I have no fantasy about her.

Selena: I was not bored, I was doing research for this interview. Okay, I was taking a break from writing one night and went into your archives and found that little treasure. Next question: if we could put you in a time machine and get you back to your teen years, what advice would you give to an 18-year-old Remy?

Romance Man: I would tell myself to pick a career I liked instead of worrying about making money. This is something I try very hard to stress to my girls. When I was young I thought money would bring happiness so I focused on that. Money is nice but not as nice as getting up every day and looking forward to work.

Selena: You have your own Romance Man—let’s call it—“terminology,” example: Vagussy. For readers who have not yet read all your blog posts, list the other words you’ve created for the Romance Man’s Urban Dictionary.

Romance Man: Vagussy, vaguice and one-eyed love muscle are all I have come up with so far, and they may have been around before so I don’t know if I invented them. In my mind I did because I had never heard them before.

Selena: Do you think comedic abilities and wit are things someone either has or doesn’t  Or do you think it’s something that can be learned? And yes, this is a compliment to your humorous writing abilities.

Romance Man: Thank you and that is a great question. I think it is something you have or something you don’t. I don’t think it can be learned and I also think there is a difference between having a sense of humor and being funny. Many people love to laugh and appreciate funny things but aren’t necessarily funny themselves.

Selena: Are you funny in real life?

Romance Man: I try to be. Pretty much everything is a joke to me unless it is something serious. I like to laugh and escape the misery in the world and I like to make my wife laugh. If I can make her laugh, I am happy. It’s better than giving her an orgasm.

Selena: If you were a Muppet, which Muppet would you be? Which Muppet would you date? 

Romance Man: I don’t know which muppet I would be but I know it wouldn’t be Kermit cause there is no way I could fuck Miss Piggy. I could cook her because I love bacon but not have sex with her.

Selena: Take off your cape for a moment, and pretend you’re a romance hero. Cowboy, alpha, muscled, tanned, throbbing muscle, the works. What would your name be and write a tweet as this romance hero.

Romance Man: My name would be Colt and my tweet would be “Don’t mess with my heroine, mother fuckers.”

Selena: Is there anything you have on your Milestone List that you want to have or to do, that has yet to be accomplished?

Romance Man: There are a million things. I would like to live long enough to see civilian space travel because I would love to go into space. I would love to write a book.

I would love to see my wife be successful with her writing.

I want to see my daughters achieve their dreams.

Fuck, Selena, are you trying to make me cry?

Selena: No, but you are going to make a whole lot of us cry with your poetic and sweet response. (I’m not talking poetic as in Ode to Lexie). Inside every alpha matador beats a sentimental heart of a man who loves his family. It’s what HEA is all about.

I along with many others would love to read a book written by you and Lexie. So from your lips to the stars, aligning themselves in the right place to achieve those goals and along with your daughters reaching out and grabbing on to their dreams coming true.

Cripes, now I’m going to tear up.

Okay, before we all start holding hands and singing Kumbaya, and Heaven Forbid we give the Matador a hug for that beautiful sentiment, let’s have some fun with a quick fire, word association game.

Tell us the first thing that comes to your mind after you read each word on the left hand side:

Sponge Bob band aids: My balls

Ironing:  My blog

Silver: Dallas Cowboys

Turtles: Non-consensual turtle sex

Hugs: Don’t touch me, Bro

Minute Man: I’m sorry.

Kardashians: Whore

Selena: LOL! I don’t know if I should be worried or scared, but I understand why you picked the answers you did.

Okay, finally, I want to get down to the true heart of this interview:

How many waffles are just too many at IHOP?

Romance Man: Selena, you don’t eat waffles at IHOP, you eat pancakes. You eat waffles at The Waffle House and one is enough as long as you have eggs and grits and hash browns with it.

Selena: Thank you for clarifying that for me and for all Canadians who have no frickin’ idea what an IHOP is in the first place. Another reason I read your blog and your tweets, they can be so educational. 🙂

Thank you for joining us today, it’s been a lot of fun and see, the questions weren’t that hard, you breezed right through them.


I now open up the blog-floor to everyone who would like to comment or ask The Romance Man a question.

By doing so, your name will be entered into a draw to win a prize (listed below).

If you want to double your chances of winning a prize, then, sign up to follow The Romance Man on his blog here.

If you want to triple your chance of winning a prize, then, go LIKE his Facebook Fan Page here. Let’s get him to 2,000 likes!

Quadruple your chance and stalk him on TWITTER: @theromanceman3


(Winners will be contacted on Friday morning)

Amazon Gift Certificate – from Selena Robins

Amazon Gift Certificate from Sloan McBride

Autographed Paperback – “Together in Darkness” by Sloan McBride

Autographed Paperback – “Daryk Hunter,” the first book in the Daryk World series by Denise A. Agnew

E-book – “Gone Groom Gone – A Chick Dick Mystery” by Nancy Lauzon

E-book – “Blood and Moonlight” by Moira Keith

E-book – “Let Me Count The Ways” by PG Forte

188 responses to “Romance Man Uncensored”

  1. What an interesting life THE ROMANCE MAN,s wife must have. May be I should get my husband to start reading romance novels.

  2. Hi Selena and RM! I couldn’t sleep so of course I ended up on the computer. What a treat to find your interview! Selena I love your questions! RM, I can’t believe you drew eyes and glasses on Lexie’s vagussy and you are still alive to tell about it lol! What else have you done with that sharpie? Thanks for making me laugh this very early morning, I needed it 🙂

      • Hi, Steph, thanks for popping in during your insomnia.

        I hope Lexie reads this blog today and takes my advice to use a PURPLE sharpie. LOL

        RM, tell us more about that Sharpie. My mind went into a different direction of course of what a woman does with a Sharpie.

  3. Beaker from the Muppets is HOT! But I think you should consider being Rowlf the Dog or Fozzie Bear. I loved your reasoning behind not being Kermit. Not fucking your dinner is a solid life rule.

  4. This was awesome!You forgot to add RM’sTwitter link! Loved every question – so insightful – and the responses were your typical fare RM. Your words of wisdom are something to live by – life is too short to work only for money – you should adore what you do – and to be able to do that is a true gift.
    Thank you for sharing your gifts with us RM and Selena!

    • Hi, Kame, thanks for dropping by, but I don’t know what you mean. His Twitter handle is there. 😉 (Learning from the professional editor) LOL

      I agree with his philosophy as well, I would have also told my 18 year old self to never cut her own bangs on picture day.

        • Yes it would. Lots of great advice for my teenage self.

          If you’re going to suggest saran wrapping Mother Superior’s personal toilet, and someone goes and does it, do not under any circumstances admit to being the brains behind the operation.

      • Selena, I tried to use the Twitter handle you had up there, I actually ended up having to search. I believe the correct handle for RM is @TheRomanceMan3 based on tweets I read before following. (Had to be sure I had the right RM, didn’t want to follow a poser 😉 )

        • Note to self: Do not upload a blog late in the evening, I made an error. I just corrected it. Yes, his Twitter handle is: @theromanceman3

          I wonder where Theromanceman 1 and 2 went?

          No posers allowed. LOL

          • The first one you posted I think was in Arabic? Google asked me if I wanted it to translate the page. The second was for some guy who’s page is private. Neither looked as entertaining as your guest here. I mean I’m sure they don’t blog or tweet about Sharpies and the unique…um… drawing surfaces he’s used them for.

          • LOL Moira, sorry for sending you to two posers. Glad you found the real Romance Man on Twitter.

            Check out his blog he just posted tonight. Interesting stuff. Will frustrate you too, because there are dipshit women out there writing nonsensical advice books for girls,which really should be advice for hookers. *sigh*

  5. Snickering at Selena not knowing what an IHOP is. Hey, I know about Tim Horton’s. 🙂

    Sadly, RM, the Waffle House in my area doesn’t serve grits, so I must make my own at home. And speaking of grit – all my heroines have plenty of it. I also can’t stand weak heroines. Loving and compationate, yes. Weak, no.

    Well, if you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen. I’m suddenly craving grits. 😉

  6. I love romance novels but I do think its funny how the heroine always has to go to the warehouse alone but luckily the bad guys like to break into a long speech about why and how they are going to kill her so it gives the hero ample time to get there. I don’t know how they can even be bad guys because they shoot the hero but they never seem to be able to hit a vital organ. Anyway, because of your blog, I can’t help but laugh when I walk by Matador beef jerky in the store and I can’t help but smile when I see a turtle so keep up the good work Colt, and nice interview Selena 🙂

    • You’re absolutely right, Heidi. It’s difficult to relate to the heroine when you know you would not be walking into any dark places alone or telling everyone that you don’t need protection or getting pouty and running off alone.

  7. Great questions Selena.
    Loved your answers RM.
    This was a great way to start my day off.
    Did you see the new ‘word’ I tweeted you the other day. I now Selena did. LoL 😉

      • snugglefuck

        A transition from napping/cuddling to sensual foreplay, followed by passionate, (rough) sex… aka, I really want to hold you and be close, but let’s go to pound town on the fuck truck.

        Simply put, it’s a cuddle that turns into a fuck. And it’s really good. Also referred to as SF, or SFing.

        I’m going to snugglefuck the shit outta you!

        I wanted to fuck her really bad, but I also wanted to hold her in my arms….so I settled for a snugglefuck.

    • Thanks, Granny. I absolutely love that term, and hope to use it someday.

      I also am still contemplating the “dueling blog” with RM about that stupid article that says, sharing housework will cause divorce.

      • That article was actually interesting and if you read their response to it it makes perfect sense and you also realize it has nothing to do with house work and everything to do with attitudes towards marriage.

        • I only skimmed the article, will have to look at it more closely. I do agree with you, that attitude is everything and I truly believe that couples must treat each other with the same respect and courtesy they would treat their friends or even strangers.

          I’m going to take some time and read it thoroughly along with the responses. Perhaps they were using housework as a metaphor?

          • Yeah kind of. You could have replaced house work with anything and the results would have been the same.

        • Now I see why I didn’t read what you read, because I only get two paragraphs and that’s it. There’s nothing underneath, and when I click to read more, it won’t let me. Maybe it’s my pop-up blocker or my anti-virus software. I’ll have to undo things to see if that will help. Technology! grrrr

  8. RM, Sean Penn?….. John Candy? You just TOTALLY blew my imaginary vision of you….

    Great interview, Selena! (and I am already signed up for your double, triple and quadruple giveaways! LOL)

  9. I knew there was a reason I got up at five this morning…other than another trip up the hill to move more crap. Selena, GREAT INTERVIEW QUESTIONS! And RM, love the answers. You’re a wonderful way to start my morning. Well…the second best way, but we don’t need to go there.

    Don’t go to iHop and haven’t had a waffle in ages. I am SO out of the loop of life…

  10. At the end of a torturous kitchen redo, with still more painting and sanding to do on my house before I sell it–I woke up early, caught this on my Macbook and–laughed ’til I cried when I saw your remark about Miss Piggy–and immediately decided that I HAD to have bacon and grits for breakfast–
    My question: are you a morning person or a nightowl? I love my coffee in the morning, but I absolutely HATE getting up at the buttcrack of dawn . . .

    • I am a night owl mostly because I have terrible insomnia. I hate getting up early too. And I would totally eat Miss Piggy.

  11. Hi, great interview Selena, and RM…you actually used sentences!! To be honest, I was a little afraid of The Romance Man, when he first started his blog. Then he started the contest, and I started e-mailing him hourly with my answers, and he was very nice to me, the pest. Especially when I received OUR iPad.
    I have made some wonderful friends on the blog, including his wonderful, understanding wife Lexie, and of course you Selena. XO……… RM , your funny, and lovable, and sometimes a pain in the ass…but I love ya!!! Thanks Selena, this is one for the record books!! Plus now I’m starting to cry!

  12. Okay, I totally agree with Romance Man’s statement about picking a career you actually like and not necessarily for the money. Boy do I agree with that. 🙂 And can we steal vagussy? I want that one! I want that one!

  13. Oh dear, I think we need to remove the sharpie pens….step away from the sharpies!!! Lovely interview. Perhaps too much information…? Kidding. Lots of fun.

  14. Fantastic interview, Selena! Well done, RM.

    Loved Mitch Hedberg. Here’s one of my faves: “I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’ and hook up with them later.”

  15. Hi Selena, you’re a great interviewer! But Mr. RM. here, he’s got something against Miss Piggy, and I don’t like him anymore. Doesn’t he like her personality?, because there is no way that he doesn’t like her curves. Maybe it’s because he’s the Matador, you know, pigs are smarter than bulls. He wouldn’t know how to handle her, except in a barbecue.

  16. Selena, you did an excellent job with the interview! I loved your questions, especially the one about his hero name and tweet. And, Remy, I loved your answer for that one. I also have a new mission to draw on my husband’s one-eyed love muscle with a Sharpie. Won’t he be surprised?!?! LMAO P.S. Remy, can I move in with you and Lexie when he kicks me out for that stunt? Thanks!

    • Hi, Gina, thanks for stopping by, glad you liked the interview. You agree with me that the questions were SO NOT HARD, right? (Italian chicks stick together, for the sake of the familiga) LOL

      I can’t draw, unless stick figures come into vogue, but I’m thinking my sharpie may come in handy when hubby is asleep sometime. 😉

  17. I do have to say that you are always entertaining and I love it! Selena you asked some great questions too. Thanks for sharing.
    Other points:
    Bacon does rule
    No I can’t imagine screwing your dinner
    You are an evil man to use permanent marker on your wife
    Yes, stupid people in books (movies) deserve to die
    This northern girl has never had grits.
    You guys are such fun – Great job!!

  18. I loved the uncensored blog questions, Selena and the uncensored responses RM-Remy. It was very entertaining. Even if I haven’t been around lately, Remy, you already know how much I love your humor. I started reading your blog about six months ago and that your popularity has grown to the extent it has is absolutely no surprise. You blasted off like a damn rocket ship and I say good for you! I still read your blog for comic relief or book reviews as I can…same goes for your facebook page. (I’m giving a family matter most of my time and energy these days and will be for awhile.)

    Too many bitches have laid claim to you so you may or may not have heard, I’ve got myself a new, older man (46) who has joined us at the Sisterhood of the Braless Bawdy Ladies. I know, I know…you’re fucking heart broken but Diane DF will take good care of you just like always.

    For anyone who doesn’t know, RM (Matador, Remy, RM-Remy) does not participate on this page…even though he knows most of us from his blog. Circumstances prevent him from doing so. SBBL is a spin-off, closed facebook page, from RM’s blog.

    In a word, via request, anybody who enjoys women who wear big girl pants with a bawdy sense of humor and who post raucous posters and photos of some mighty fine nude (or close to it) man bodies is welcome. The page is not for the faint of heart. I can tell you that Selena’s wonderful sense of humor is part of the deal when she shares a recap of “innocent” real life events between she and her husband. It’s a hoot. Well, that and her own candid comments on stuff.

    Anyway, Remy, back to my new man. I don’t know his real name because like you, he has a couple of handles and chooses to remain anonymous for basically the same reasons as you do. He goes by Ian Dalton or Luke Young. I do, HOWEVER, know what he looks like (he has an author photograph). *big grin*

    Besides working a full time job, he’s a contemporary author and writes both erotic and sensual stories. I’m reading one of his hot books now and even though I’m not very far into the book, I’m already having LOL moments. From excerpts and such, I think you’d get off on his humor…especially when the subject is dick size and stuff. But more importantly, I think you could appreciate a romance book written from a male POV even more than we women.

    Ian has a great sense of humor and more importantly, can hold his own viking, in the nicest way, with all the wicked women at SBBL. It’s been suggested to him that he would enjoy reading your blog.

    Make no mistake about it, I’m the oldest whoredog on the SBBL page and Ian is MINE…even though Lady Godiva keeps trying to poach. She’s such a bitch. Bless her heart.♥♥♥

    P.S. I think I just made up for not posting in awhile. ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿

    • Hey Nancy I was wondering where you have been. Hope all is well. Luke emailed me the other day about a guest blog and I told him I would respond soon. I am curious to talk to him.

      • RM, talking to Ian over on our sisters page, he is really funny too. And his books are hilarious. Great sense of humor. You guys need some male bonding time. AND, I FOUND HIM! Not that whore-slut Nancy!

    • Nancy, great post! Thanks for dropping by. Glad you enjoy my “serious” talks that I have with my hubby that I share over at the BBL’s group. Your post almost made me tear up. Damn hormones must be acting up, I’m all mushy these days.

      Stop by and visit more often, we love your short stories. 🙂

      I see you brought your boy toy, Luke. Pimp away for him!

      • Not trying to step on toes but Nancy seems to have left the conversation. Be friends with someone in the SBBL and we will invite you over. just pm that person that you want to join. you can find us also on the RM FB page if you need to friend someone 🙂

  19. OK, Mr. RM we agree her nose is not her best feature.
    Now, how can I get those ideas about Sharpies and my husband’s anatomy out of my mind? Gina is not helping me.

  20. Your best answer; ‘you don’t eat waffles at an IHOP you eats pancaked there’! RM you keep me laughing and that is not easy to do. Quick-witted and honest. Selena, I must start following you and your comedic writing too 🙂 (from FB)
    Thanks ya’ll!!

      • Only when you act all stupid, Remy♥ We like it best when Lexi calls you “dickhead” and you’re such a good sport about it. One, among the many best blogs you ever wrote, is: THINGS MY WIFE HAS SAID TO ME DURING SEX

    • And trust me on this, cowboy, I never fight over a man. I’ve made an exception in your case, because I’m feeling the connection.♥

      (And just in case the entire free world dosn’t know it, I’m 71 and Ian/Luke is 46. His wife knows about us because we told her just before sending her to the store for wine and smokes. Now that’s what I call being a good sport. I’ll let you know how the threesome goes. NOT. I don’t share.)

      • I can’t help myself, Remy. Besides, it’s good therapy and beats the shit out of paying some dude or dudette who doesn’t give a rats ass about me.㋡

    • Thanks sweetheart. Your viking and his two friends will receive additional attention. Count on it.

      (And, just so we don’t lose the thread, Luke Young is also Ian Dalton. I believe he said the two names were due to his, “…serious psychological problems…”. It’s okay darlin’, none of us are without flaws.)

  21. Selena and RM that was great. I am already a fan of both. I tell my friend to read RM blog or I read to them from it lol So one way or another they know how funny he is. Thanks for the laughs.

  22. Great questions Selena! Seriously!

    RM, pretty good answers, I guess….

    John Candy? Man you really ruined the fantasy on that one.
    In my mind, I totally had you looking like Channing Tatum in Magic Mike.

    I love what you said about how making your wife laugh makes you happy. My husband is the same way. He tries really hard to make me laugh all the time and I find him at his funniest when I am really tired =).

    I agree with Pat. When you talk about your wife and girls so sweetly it makes us forget all the times you are an ass! =)

    PS—grits are nasty!!!

  23. Selena and RM that was so fun. I love you both, this made my day. I tell all my friends to read RMs blog and I will be sitting in a restrunt with the girls and pull it up on my phone and read it out loud so everyone is laughing so hard. Selena what a great interview thank you.

    • Thanks, Kelly. I never pull it out in public (my phone that is, or cucumbers) 😉 I know I’ll be in trouble if I dare read his blog in public. (Thank you spell checker, I forgot the l in the word public and was able to correct it. That could have been embarrassing)

      I’ve done that before in a speech I wrote that wasn’t proofread, and I sort of got into trouble. My typical day. LOL

      Okay, back to RM’s blog, I did put a warning not to drink and to go pee before reading his blog, I hope people will heed my warning.

      • Lol Selena I am always talking about your garden and trimming bushes 🙂 you are one of my favorite people. I think your question where great. Beside RM answered them with ease.

        • Harvesting is over, but if you noticed in the BBL group, I’ve moved on to eroticizing (is that a word?) trees. I know, I’m out of control.

          My friend Rosemary didn’t find it funny. I don’t know why. LOL She needs to lighten up…no pun intended, I have no idea if she needs trimming.

          Okay, I’m going to get in trouble she follows this blog.

  24. Great intterview Selena and RM. Love the blog RM and I’ll be checking out Selena’s now also. RM looking forward to getting together and seeing if my books are for you.

  25. I loves grits…it’s a southern thing. (Kate…I also happen to love Subway except when they put some squishy yuck avocado paste on a sandwich when I was expecting fresh. I usually eat the tuna.)

    Sigh. Lady Godiva. I’m sure you meant to say, “Nancy, you magnificently ignorant slut” ♥ ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿♥ You may as well “simma down NOW”, sweet pea, because Ian and I already have a deal going. You can make your own deal after I die. Kiss♥ Kiss♥

    @RM-Remy. Be sure to tell Ian/Luke about my amazing snark and my awesome pairing of some of your blogs with appropriate graphics like your blog entitled, THE WORLD’S GREATEST ATHLETE with the poster of one sperm saying to all the other sperm, “EVERYONE GO BACK!!! IT’S A BLOW JOB!!!!!

    You can tell Ian that Lady Godiva rides a horse.

    P.S. The book I’m reading by Ian Dalton is, “Inappropriate Thoughts” (A Victoria Wilde novel) which is part of a series.

    P.P.S. As an aside, I was introduced to Selena’s voice by Pat’s review at RM’s blog back in August. After reading the review, I bought, “What A Girl Wants.” If I remember correctly, one of my favorite lines was that the hero had an erection that rivaled the Washington Monument (I live about 20 minutes away;)

      • What a totally nice thing to say, Selena♥ but alas as much supreme bitchiness and snark that I own, there is no reason to have my own blog. I have a few super nice cyber friends with blogs that allow me to crash on theirs and tell little stories or make inappropriate comments. These friends make my day when I can get them to laugh or snark back…or even get a little mushy and teary eyed.

        Besides, Selena, even though I’ve been off my game lately, my usual self-appointed task is to read a book a day…purely for my own selfish enjoyment. It’s my fucking job and I love it! The freedom of choice nearly puts me in a coma. I love to get lost in the HEA fantasy worlds that so many talented authors provide me. They enrich my perfectly ordinary and contented existence. Romance books give me a “picture window” of unending hot sex, love and lust with a hero that is so into me, the heroine, that makes my Voyeur Bitch scream with delight. Absolutely, educational.

        I’m sure my compulsion for writing long monologues comes from when I was age 12 or so (Sweet Jesus! …that would be 59 years ago). I used to keep a diary that had very small pages and I constantly had to steal space from the next day or write around and around the margins. The pages always ended up a hot mess and as an organized anal retentive, probably damaged me in some way.

        Can you imagine my unmitigated joy when I got my first computer and was able to add an infinite number of pages to my Journal Bitch?!. Lord Have Mercy and Glory Halleluiah! I exhaust myself.

        Watch out Remy because I’m sending {{hugs}} to you and Selena, just because I’m feeling some love♥ And, you can blame Selena for encouraging my deluded ramblings. I have to tell you it’s kind of a kick to write when I know somebody might read it. My Journal Bitch is a silent whoredog. Peace Out.✌

  26. RM and Selena well that brightened up my lunch hour. I thought I would catch a cat nap in the car for an hour but clicked on face book first. As always laughed out loud, well worth the loss of the nap. Great questions Selena and RM some of your answers were priceless. Seriously Sean Penn and or John Candy? Seriously???? I think I will keep my imagined version, wait do I have an imagined version??? Maybe I will spend the rest of my lunch hour trying to imagine what Lexi has to look forward to or put up with everyday. 😉

    • Hi, Theri, thanks for dropping by, so glad the blog brightened up your lunch hour.

      Ryan Goseling? eh? Matador, you love yourself some Canadian actors, don’t you?

      I don’t think you could pull of a good Canukian accent though. It takes a lot of skill.

  27. Well crap, it seems as though my replies aren’t coming out under the intended comment. I know it can be figured out but I hate when I’m not perfect.

  28. Phew, finally made it here was a loooong day on this side of the world. Selena i’d love to get here often but unfortunately the day passes too quickly. I absolutely love love your writing, but you already know that! Write quicker! 🙂

    RM – I love your following answer. Laughter. What attracted me to my husband when we started going out. He could make me laugh at anything and at any time. – “I try to be. Pretty much everything is a joke to me unless it is something serious. I like to laugh and escape the misery in the world and I like to make my wife laugh. If I can make her laugh, I am happy. It’s better than giving her an orgasm.”

    Erm: Big. Funny. Dickhead. – are you sure they are meant to be read as three words and not one phrase?

          • I have no idea what you’re talking about, Matador, it’s one sentence. 😉 (thank you edit button LOL)

            Yes it was three words, but I took it as three separate words, because you capitalized two of them. I can’t believe we’re going to debate this. My husband said the same thing. He thought it should be one sentence. SO I CHANGED IT! LOL

            Big funny dickhead. 🙂

    • Hi, Luci, thanks for dropping by, and I know with the time difference it’s so hard to coordinate all these blogs. Thank you, I will write faster and faster for you. 🙂

      Laughter is the bond that keeps marriages even stronger, I truly believe that. I think it should be a bumper sticker.

      Ciao, Bella, Buon giornonatta

  29. Nancy, you are right, I meant to say “Nancy, you magnificently ignorant slut” ♥ ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿♥ !!! Okay, so I copied/pasted, but I don’t know how to make all the little symbols. I hope you keep Luke/Ian for a long time (that is that you don’t die soon!) . I can wait. All good things are worth waiting for 🙂
    Luke, glad you finally got a response out of RM 🙂 I know when he takes the time he will quite enjoy your writing and having you as part of his blog. We won’t call you a BBL though okay?!

  30. Love the sharpie trick. Ha! This is why I don’t leave those things readily available around the house, its equals shenanigans all the time. Romance Man, love the blog. Selena, your questions were hilarious!

  31. Always interesting to get a guys take on romance. My father always said he didn’t read my mom’s books, but he sure appreciated the times she spent reading them because he often benefited.

    Just based on the number of times I spit coffee, I can see why you’ve been followed by so many!

      • Selena haven’t you learned by now that I am not a very good listener? My blood runs thick with coffee and Guinness. And in my defense, I read it early in the morning, long before I commented. 🙂

        Apparently, as I make my way through some of these very witty responses, discussions over what the fuck a grit is, Sharpie ideas and indulgences, and past RM blog posts, I really need to jump on over to RM’s blog and take a read. I will try to abide by your advice though Selena and read it sans beverage.

        • LOL Moira. It’s our right of passage not to listen to guidelines, we are women, hear us have selective hearing.

          Yes, hop on over and join Matador’s blog, his posts and the comments that follow will start your day off with a ton of laughter.

  32. I’m late to the party as usual. Great post Selena and RM. I’m currently plotting ways to use a sharpie on my husband when he is keeping me awake with his snoring. 🙂
    There is so much I could say about the Miss Piggy, eating and screwing your food business but I think I better keep it to myself. 😉

  33. I love to read what The Romance Man has to say. One of the best I’ve read so far is the one he wrote about how he sucked at BDSM. I laughed o much I almost wet myself. Keep up the good work.

  34. Great interview Selena!

    After that sharpie bit, I am even more convinced that Lexie is a SAINT!!

    Gotta love IHOP! And it’s pumpkin pancake time of year! I’ve had grits & will eat them, but sorry RM, I gotta say they’re not a fave of mine.

    But hopefully the fact that I love the Cowboys will redeem me in your eyes. Although living in IL I took a whole lot of shit this weekend about their loss to the Bears, plus they cost me $28 in the football pool at work.

    Thank you Matador for always brightening my day with your posts & thanks Selena for doing this interview!! Keep up the great work (both of you)!

  35. Romey, I would love to write some dialogue with you sometime. Hey did granny shock you as much as she just shocked me with her snuggle etc. omgoodness. i don’t know, i keep visualizing you looking like kevin mckidd from Rome and Greys Anatomy. He’s the scottish actor. or the guy from spartacus season one. oh, he was so perfect, God bless his heart. but if i ever meet you and you look like john candy (and i loved him as an actor/comedian) i will kick your butt from here to nyc. anyhoo, thanks, selena!!!!

  36. Like your Lexie, I have a husband who is a passionate guy with a great sense of humor. Sadly, he can’t bring himself to read romance and finds Civil War battles more inspirational. I offered to read him sexy bits from my erotic romances and he threatened me with reading his favorite battle scenes aloud. We compromised that we each read silently. I read my erotic stuff and get horny; he reads battle stories until he is ready to mount up and ride toward victory. What can I say? It works for us.

    Love your blog.

  37. I told TL that big funny dickhead should read as one sentence but she never listens to me. Hard to get her to submit. Have a good one honey.

  38. Hysterical interview. Lexie either loves you a lot or she really likes to drink.
    Remy, you have an interesting point of view. A lot of us agree with you but are afraid to say anything. Good for you that you don’t seem to care.
    I follow your blog, liked your FB page, and stalk, I mean follow you on Twitter.

  39. Already follow RM blog. just liked him on FB. Loved your questions and his answers. just read Chicks with Dicks. Thank you for the link. Sorry you have not experienced a waffle at The WaffleHouse. Thank you for the contest.

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