Nonsensical Dating Advice Floating Around

I put out a request on Twitter a few days ago, asking men to privately message me about dating advice they were given for a blog that I wanted to write.

I was pleasantly surprised at the number of men who came forth and shared some dating advice they’d been given. A lot of the advice was duplicated, it seems that more than one guy is giving and receiving the same advice.

I promised to keep them anonymous, so they are referred to as Man Tweeter A, B, etc.

I never promised I wouldn’t be judgmental or highly opinionated in this blog post, so what you see is what you get from me on this topic.

Man Tweeter A was given this advice by his still single friends: “Even if you don’t want to see her again, just say you’ll call her. If you run into her, just say you lost her number. Works every time and gets you off the hook. And check out her friends on Facebook, if they’re hot, try to get their numbers, that way you can call one of them and hook us up as well.”

My Opinion: You’d think this would be a no-brainer and Man Tweeter A would tell his friends they are crazy-ass idiots, especially, regarding the latter piece of advice, which is beyond stupid and would never in a million years work. He did tell me that most of his friends like this piece of advice.

Women talk (I know hard to believe), and she’ll tell all her friends who will then tell their friends what a dickhead you are for saying you’d call and you never did.

Any guy who actually thinks that a woman is going to hand over her girlfriend’s phone numbers to a guy they are seeing, truly has a dick for brains.

If at the end of the date a guy knows for certain that he doesn’t want to call her, simply thank her, say goodnight and don’t make promises you know you won’t keep.

She’ll probably still think you’re a dickhead, but an honest dickhead which is better than the first class assholio reputation that will spread rampantly with ignoring her and asking for her girlfriend’s phone numbers.

Man Tweeter B was given this advice by his father: “Screw your brains out every chance you get to get it out of your system before you settle down. Once you settle down, you’ll have to get used to not having much sex.”

My Opinion: First of all, I’d love to smack his father for trying to live vicariously through his son and imparting such nonsense.

Out of his system? Really? Because after he’s had sex with 100 or more women, he’s not going to want to have sex any longer?

A. Men always want to have sex. No such thing as getting it out of their system.

B. Women love sex even after they settle down. Shocking isn’t it?

It takes two to create a healthy, fun-loving sex life. Guess what, guys…it starts the moment you wake up, and lasts all day. If things are crappy outside the bedroom, then chances are the horizontal mambo isn’t going to be all that exciting. But that’s a whole other subject.

That father’s advice makes no sense, because men and women are sensual beings, and I don’t believe there’s such a thing as getting “it” out of anyone’s system.

Man Tweeter C was given this advice by his still single friends: “Never ever call a woman the next day. Wait four days minimum, five days max, then call her and act like you are not interested. Makes them want you more.”

My Opinion:  She’ll think you’re a dickhead and you would have earned it big time for going by some urban rule that is floating around out there.

It’s really okay to be open with a gal that you actually want to see again, and call her the next day. You like someone’s company so much that you want to see them again, then don’t play this dumbass head game.

Man Tweeter D was given this advice by his mother.  “Just be yourself.”

My opinion: This advice has some merit, just don’t act like you’re trying out for a role in a Jack Black movie or a character on The Simpsons.

Tweeter E was told this by his father: Meet her mother, that should tell you if she’s going to turn out to be a bitch.

My opinion: Just a wild guess here, but I’m thinking this guy’s father isn’t that fond of his mother-in-law?

First of all, chances that you’ll be having a long conversation or get to know her mother all that well on the first or even second date is rare.

If you want to know more about your date, talk to her and observe how she treats the wait staff when you are out. Is she impatient with the slow service? Is she rude? Is she having a hissy fit because her nail broke?

Of course people are usually on their best behavior when out on a date, but there are small nuances in her behavior you can pick up on that will tell you if something in her personality will send red flags.

Tweeter F given this advice by his single friend: Tell her you were in the military. Chicks dig men in uniform and she’ll do you on the first date, guarantee.”

My opinion: Sure go ahead, and if you happen to click and this is the right woman for you, you’ll be able to rise up the ranks to being a five star dickhead once she finds out the truth.

(I know, I should use a cursing Thesaurus since I overused dickhead so often, but, I wrote this quickly. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it 🙂 )

In Summary:

Dating a woman isn’t rocket science or that complicated.

There is no game plan, or rules in my opinion. It’s about connecting with someone on different levels and if you are both interested in each other, then forget about all this crap going around that says you have to wait a certain amount of time to call or not call, or pretend you’re someone you are not, or act like you’re not interested.

I was raised with brothers, have a son and a husband and I somewhat understand the male mind (not always, but I do have my moments). Men are not that complicated. They do complicate matters when they seek out advice about women from other men. From what I’ve read from the information I received, the advice they received is loaded with a bunch of rhetorical bullshit.

It’s really quite simple.

If a guy wants to get to know you more, see you again, it won’t matter what is going on in his life, his career, his financial status, if he’s hung over, broken leg, or if he’s in the middle of the Amazon jungle, he will find a way to call you, reach out to you and not let you slip through the cracks.

If he feels a connection and wants to get to know a woman better, he will not play games.

Often times women will try to rationalize and pick everything apart to find out what went wrong, why is he not calling back? The simple truth is, he’s not interested and won’t be, no matter what a woman says or does.

I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman calling a guy the next day to simply say thanks for the dinner, movie, walk in the park, dart game, (whatever is it they did on the date) and telling him she had a great time. That is if the date ended well. Let’s face it, men, women, we all have instincts, they’ll know if they both had a good time, if there was a small spark, and even if it’s one-sided, it doesn’t matter who reaches out to who, communicating and letting the other person know they wouldn’t mind seeing them again is not a crime.

I’m not suggesting women go all Alex Forrester on the guy, but a quick email or phone call to say thanks will not make the guy run and hide or hire a bodyguard.

If the guy freaks out and goes into full-panic, thinking that she wants to go and pick out a china pattern, then he’s a dickhead and not worth worrying about.

Same goes for the guys, if she is stalling, not committing to wanting to see you again: She’s not interested. Plain and simple. Move on. Be Real. No Games and connect with someone who is as real as you are.

To men and women:

What is the worse dating advice you’ve ever been given?

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36 thoughts on “Nonsensical Dating Advice Floating Around

  1. I think dickhead is a perfect word and I agree with your use of there word through out the blog. I never really got advise about dating. I never really dated I kind of ran around with my friends. It wasn’t til I was much older that I started talking with men on the computer and met a few I spent time with. Found the love of my life we had a great time until he passed away from a bad heart. So I find the dating game hard right now, but doesn’t hurt to look.

    • Hi, Kelly, thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts.

      I want to make it clear that I do not think all men are dickheads, thankfully, there are so many great guys out there that don’t fit the dickhead title. It’s the morons that think playing head games is actually going to work.

      I’m sorry to hear of your loss, and I hope the great memories you have of him comfort you when you need them.

  2. Love this post…..I have been with the Hubs so long (25 years) that I can’t remember any dating advice. I do remember when I was dumped during my sophomore year in college my friends would not let me go on campus the next day in my worn out sweatshirt – they insisted I look good so HE would see me and not think I was moping.

  3. I love this post! Awesome.

    I think the worst advice I’ve ever been given was by a Cassanova in Long Beach. He told me that dating is like Dangerous Liaisons and that you have to play the game. You have to not want a real connection in order to have one. This is stupid. I would tell someone to be authentic, and have a good time. The rest will take care of itself. Be a gentlemen, learn to laugh and learn to be a good host or hostess, whether you’re a man or woman.

    • Hi, Noony, thank you.

      Your take on it is spot on. Playing games (men or women) is never going to give them a solid relationship. I know there are books out there called, The Rules. Which in my opinion is another way of saying, “play head games.”

      • Stephen Covey calls it the “quick fix” mentality. He says it started in American letters about 75 years ago. Before that, self-help literature focused on how to be a better person, have integrity, etc. Then it became, as Covey puts it, superficial behavior to lubricate human interaction. I see a lot of that so-called dating advice like that.

        Honestly, I think good dating advice would be to figure out how to be a good dance partner and understand good food. Learn how to be charming. I think old school charm is highly underrated, and would give a dating person a leg up.

        • I’m not into self-help books, because they all contradict each other, and I agree with Stephen Covey’s philosophy.

          My husband had zero game when he was a bachelor, probably why I was smitten with him. I truly believe there are a ton of great guys like that as well, they are just who they are and show you who they are pretty quickly.

          The asshats show you who they are as well, as a lot of my single friends tell me. LOL

  4. Personally, I like assholio even better than dickhead lol! Here is what my mom used to tell me every time I went out on a date, or anywhere else: “no drinking, no drugs, no sex”…..No fun! LOL

    • Hi, Steph, thanks for popping in. Your mom sounds familiar, I do recall the same kind of advice from mine. LOL

      My older sister gave me some advice once, and I actually followed it. I look back and think, OMG, how stupid was I to misinterpret what she really meant.

      That little tidbit is finding its way in my current work in progress. I can laugh about it now, but at the time, I must have looked like a real idiot to my date. (I was 16, so I have being young on my side) LOL

  5. First I can’t believe the advice these men were given!!!! Your summary is very well done and these men would benefit from getting your advice … The only one I liked was the one by the mother … it’s important for a guy to be himself … even if he’s a dork. That way there is no time wasted. Stumbling this now 🙂

  6. I never really got any dating advice! In H.S. we all hung around in groups, and no one really dated. I ended up marrying the guy who lived across the hall from me!!!
    I do agree with you about asking women for their friends phone number. Men should know if she gives one, it’s someone she doesn’t like, and she sure doesn’t want to see him again! LOL
    Interesting blog, Selena! Did your husband get any advice. ???

    • Hi, Pat, thanks for popping in and sharing your thoughts.

      If I were single and that happened to me, I may be tempted to give the guy a fake number to some place embarrassing. LOL

      I asked Mr. Rugged to weigh in and he said, he never asked for advice when he was single and he probably wouldn’t take any anyway. LOL He showed me what he was all about soon as I met him, no games, no elaborate courting, and no lame lines. We’ve been married for 20 years though, so I think a lot has changed since then.

  7. Sorry, I little late to the party. Great blog Selena. I’m so glad I haven’t had to date for many years now. But working around a lot of single women I have realized that it never changes. Women make up excuses why men haven’t called, then they see them out the next night and the man in question runs from them like they owe them money. I have one piece of advice that I just shared on RM’s last post: Go out to dinner with him and pay real close attention to how he treats the waitress because that’s how he’s going to be treating you eventually.

    • Hey, Heidi, you’re not late to the party at all and thanks for stopping by.

      I’m with you on being grateful about not having to venture out into the dating world, especially these days with social networking. My single friends tell me that it is even more of a challenge, because some guys register on different dating sites to “keep their options open.” I guess someone told the dating site dickheads to always keep them open.

      I agree with you about paying attention to how he treats people around him and guys need to do that to with their dates.

      I think we should have an advice column, Dear SSS chicks 😉

  8. LOL. What a fun read! I can’t believe a father would talk to his son like that. My gosh, if my husband tried to say anything about how much sex my son should have, my son would have jumped out the window. Some topics are just not for discussing between parents and children.

    The ‘be yourself’ is actually good advice, IMO. At least it worked for me when I met my husband. I’d just come out of a jerky relationship, and hated all men. So when I first saw my husband where we both worked, I walked right past him without saying a word. Not long afterward, he approached me with an introduction. I said “hi” and that was as interested as I was going to be until a few days later he sat at the same table as me and we started talking. As I wasn’t interested in a new boyfriend, I just chattered the way I do and didn’t act all “Oooh, a boy is talking to me” stupid talk. He got to know me from the start.

    BTW, did any of the guys you interviewed say where they were meeting the girls? I, for one, would not want to pick up a guy in a bar, but that’s just me. Still, I am curious where they’re all meeting.

    Again, great blog post! 🙂

    • Hi, Sharon, thanks for stopping by with your comments, glad you enjoyed the blog.

      I think discussing sex with your children in a mature fashion is not a bad thing, but the advice from that father was full of assholio content.

      The guys that responded told me they met the women they took out on dates in various places. I would say the majority were through online, either Facebook or an online dating site. A few of them through friends.

      Nobody mentioned the good old fashioned way—in a bar. My brothers met their wives in a bar and some of my friends met their husbands in a bar years ago, and they all have wonderful marriages, so I wouldn’t care where someone met the right person, if it’s good, it’s good, location is just another avenue. 😉

        • That’s why I called them the old-fashioned way, they’ve been around forever. LOL

          I don’t think it matters where, I think it’s the who, what and how they act, because I’ve seen dumbasses act like idiots even at a Church outing.

  9. I’m late too. Great blog! You are absolutely right about that If a guy wants to know you better, he will call, no matter what. A classmate called me, while we were on college break, asking me to go on a date with him. Later, I asked him how did he get my number because I didn’t give it to him. And he said “I got it from your text book” (I used to write it on my books in case I would lost them). I guess he was very interested. We married six years after that first date.

    • Hi, Grettel, you’re also not late. I don’t have a punch clock on the blog. Yet. LOL (joking)

      Beautiful story and proves our point. When a guy is interested, he will find a way to contact you, even when he doesn’t have your number. That is HEA for sure. 🙂

      Thanks for sharing, Grettel and glad you enjoyed the post.

  10. Once again– so thankful I haven’t had to be out in the dating world in almost 16 years. The last guy I dated was my best friend before we ever went out on a date and I married him. He knew better than to try any of that crap with me ;).

    • Hey, LadyBug, thanks for dropping in and I’m with you on being grateful to not having to deal with the dating scene.

      As you know, Mr. Rugged was my close friend as well, before we took it to the romance level and I just can’t picture him doing any of those stupid-ass things.

      Guys who follow this advice are still single. Notice (with the exception of the mother) all the men were single. I forgot to mention the Dad was divorced.

  11. Pingback: Guest Blogger Selena Robins with Nonsensical Dating Advice | Love, Lust, and Laptops

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