Selena Robins, Author

Answer: The above is all part of my day to day life.

I thought I’d collect a few of my Facebook posts, sharing snippets of those rare moments when things don’t go exactly as planned in my life.

I bet you’re thinking that I don’t have a new blog post to upload and using a few of my Facebook status updates to create a new post, because I haven’t had time to create a brand new article.

You would be right wrong.

Remember the days when it was easy to order a simple cup of tea?

Remember when eating chocolate didn’t make you feel like a cannibal?

After running an errand one afternoon, I decided to treat myself so I popped into a Starbucks to get a hot cup of tea. It was dreary and raining and tea is an excellent pick me up.

Me to the Barista: Earl Gray tea to go, please.
Barista: What size?
Me: Small.
Barista: Small as in, Tall, Grande or Venti?
Me: Small as in about 8 or 10 ounces.
Barista: That would be a short, it’s not on the menu, but a short is about 8 ounces.
Me: Short it is then.
Barista: Would you like to try a Chai?
Me: No thank you. Earl Gray is fine.
Barista: How about giving our Green Tea Latte a try?
Me: No thank you, Earl Gray, please.
Barista: Would you like to try it iced with lemon?
Me: No thank you, Early Gray, hot is fine.
Barista: Would you like it in a ceramic cup?

(I’m thinking, didn’t I say “TO. GO?”)

Me: No thanks, I’d like it to go.
Barista: Would you like the water extra hot?
Me: Rolling boil. Thank you.

She finally start punching into the cash.

Barista: Okay, so that was…what did you want again?

(My husband thinks I have no patience???? I should’ve taped this exchange, not one curse word was uttered. Out loud).

Me: Short, Earl Gray tea, hot as in the water should be a rolling boil in a to go cup, nothing extra in it, thank you.

Barista: Right. Would you like a biscotti or our freshly made–

Me: There’s a $2.00 tip in it for you, if you could just get me the tea without any other questions, please and thank you.

I smiled. She didn’t.

Here’s the thing, the people in the line-up were giving ME a dirty look, as if to say, “You Starbucks amateur.”

I took my tea and left with the thought of getting a small bag of dark chocolate M&M’s before I get home. However, because of the STUPID M&M commercials, with the candy having arms and legs and talking, and creeping me out about as much as a mime in a nun costume (both of which scare me), I ditched that idea.

Heading to my car, I tripped on a step, my Short, Hot Earl Gray Tea in a To Go Cup plopped on the ground.

I have no freaking idea what the moral of the story is, except to say, remember when life was so simple?

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Sunday Morning at Casa Del Robins:

Hubby usually makes Sunday breakfast with me as his sous chef.

This morning I wasn’t allowed anywhere near the kitchen, as he declared he was going to pull a Selena and  experiment” with his version of gluten free muffins.

(I stayed in the family room, watching an episode of Bewitched to calm my anxiety of the goings on in the kitchen.)

I was presented with an omelet topped with a dollop of our homemade blueberry jam, a bowl of stewed apples with maple syrup and chopped almonds.

Me: Thank you, but just one question. How is this a muffin ?

Hubby: Eggs, blueberries, apples, maple syrup, nuts. All ingredients for muffins

Me: *Confused* I am aware, but again, how does a blueberry topped omelet resemble a muffin?

Hubby: I deconstructed the muffin.

Me: Ah, so you DO pay attention when I watch Top Chef! I knew it.

Hubby: I admit nothing. Eat.

I did and it was delicious.

*  *  *  *  *

Saturday Afternoon at Casa Del Robins:

The center sticky note on my bulletin board is the most important one.

A freaking spider got in the house. I don’t like them. I want it dead. My husband manages to slide it on a piece of paper and brings it outside.

Me: Seriously? That stupid thing will find its way back. That is the most annoying thing you’ve ever done!

Hubby: No, pretty sure I’ve done something more annoying than that, and I’ll probably annoy you again with something else.

Me: Stop saving the damn spiders. No woman on earth loves spiders.

Hubby: Pretty sure there are women who don’t mind them.

Me: Name one.

Hubby: Gwen Stacy.

Me: Who the hell is Gwen Stacy?

Hubby: Spiderman’s girlfriend.

Me: *Hits head on desk*

Hubby: Told you I’d annoy you again.

*  *  *  *  *

Looking for love in all the WRONG places, dude.

I’m sure you’ve all received the Dear I Want to Get to Know you Spam Love Letters, here’s a sample of what I received one day.

Hello,

I love everything with you.

How are you doing ? How is everything with you ? 
I would love to know more about you.
Thanks so much and love to read from you soon.

Thanks.

Yours Robertson

***
I don’t usually respond, but this particular day I was fed up of having to clean out SPAM from my email, plus SPAM from Facebook and Twitter, so this dude was the recipient of my frustration.
Dear Robertson,

You have me confused with Josephine the plumber. I don’t own any Robertson screw drivers, nor do I need any, so you can’t be mine. No idea if Josephine is on FB, but I’m sure she’ll be happy to know you love everything with her.

Or are you looking for more of a hammer girl to complement that TOOL YOU HAVE FOR A BRAIN??? 

Not Yours EVER,

Selena

*  *  *  *  *

 

‘If you like Pina Coladas… ” (No, I don’t, can’t stand the taste of coconut)

“Getting caught in the rain…” (Yes, I did one morning. Major downpour. Wet T-shirt. People got an eyeful. Husband loves the look. *eye roll here.*)

Note to self: NEVER wear white T-shirt to go out when it is cloudy and dark. Storing an umbrella in the car is probably a good idea.

*  *  *  *  *

Who are you calling a mortal?

You’re talking to me?

I could be from another galaxy. Just ask anyone who’s spent time with me.

But I digress. You are correct. I should be writing and finishing up the two books that are due to come out soon.

Here’s a quick teaser of one of the books, ONCE UPON A KISS….coming to AMAZON REAL SOON.

 

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For similar blog posts, check out how much fun I have with Telemarketers, click HERE and my internal thoughts (well, sometimes I say them out loud) during Yoga, click HERE.