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Romance Man Uncensored

Please join me in welcoming The Romance Man to my blog for an uncensored interview. Actually, nobody censors The Matador (as he is also known as. Feel free to call him Romance Man, Matador, RM or Remy — sounds like a kinky Law firm with all those names), and we wouldn’t want him to be censored.

Since he started his blog less than a year ago, he has amassed a huge following because of his candid approach to reviewing and discussing romance in novels and in life.

If you are not already following his blog posts, or his musings on his FB Fan Page, then I highly recommend you sign up.

We’re also holding a contest (details below). Prizes include; Amazon gift certificates, autographed paperback books and e-books. 

Grab a cuppa-whatever-you-drink (on second thought, do all your drinking and bathroom breaks before you read the interview) and enjoy!

Please note: The blog post that you are about to read, contains content only suitable for adults.

I give you The Romance Man:

I am a 42-year-old married father of three beautiful girls, and I am married to a woman who deserves much better but has decided to stay with me anyway.

I started reading romance novels about a year ago. I was simply bored one day and came across Jessica Scott’s website and bought her book. I enjoyed it and pretty soon was reading them with my wife in bed at night. It has been a great experience and has brought my wife and me closer in many ways.

I thought it would be fun to start a blog about romance novels from a male point of view and The Romance Man was born. I review some romance novels. I also review books about marriage and relationships and mostly make fun of them because they all tend to suck. I write about things I care about which is mostly related to women and girls because I have daughters, and issues related to them are important to me.

Mostly, I write stupid shit and try to be funny. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, and I always feel good if I can make someone laugh.

The Interview:

Selena: What three words would your friends use to describe you?

Romance Man: Big funny dickhead

Selena: I asked you on your blog once: what’s the deal with the Sharpie Pen? You responded you will tell us when you feel we are ready. Well, we’re ready. Tell us about it.

Romance Man: Sharpie pens are fun and you can really fuck with people using them. One time when my wife was asleep naked, I drew eyeballs on the right and left top of her vagussy. It looked like her clit-hood was the nose, so I drew some glasses. When she woke up and realized what I did it was pretty funny because it wouldn’t come off.

Selena: Shout out to Lexie, payback, but use a PURPLE SHARPIE. Okay, next question: What song best describes your life?

Romance Man: Highway to Hell by Ac/Dc because it seems I am always hauling ass forward without much thought.

Selena: Favorite one line joke?

Romance Man: Mitch Hedbergs – Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus.

Selena: Most embarrassing moment? 

Romance Man: The first time I had sex. I was awful and she was experienced and her disappointment was pretty obvious.

Selena: What is the best snack you enjoy while writing blog posts for example: Chick with Dicks, Fifty Shades of Attempted Murder or your foray into BDSM?

(If you haven’t already, I strongly recommend you read these blog posts (click on the above blog post link to take you directly there). Same warning as above, do not drink anything while reading, and go pee beforehand.)

Romance Man: I can’t snack when I write it totally breaks my concentration. My favorite snack though is pretzels dipped in peanut butter.

Selena: Have you ever been mistaken for a famous personality? Actor? Musician? Male Model for baby blue leggings? If so, who?

Romance Man: I have never been mistaken for a celebrity or a male model. When I was young, people used to tell me I looked like Sean Penn although I don’t know why. Now I look more like John Candy.

Selena: An actor who starred in a movie with the word “bacon” in it. I can see why you picked him. What are the top three things you have learned about women, by reading romance novels?

Romance Man: 1. Women like strong men.

2. Women want an HEA much more than men.

3. Women really like naked men on book covers.

Selena: Biggest pet peeve about romance novels?

Romance Man: The clichés. I hate the clichés. The biggest one of all is when the heroine is in danger and refuses protection and then does everything possible to get herself killed. I also hate it that the heroine has an orgasm almost instantly. It doesn’t work that way or maybe it does and I am doing it wrong.

Selena: I agree with you about the clichés and the Too-Stupid-To-Live-Heroines. Okay, what’s the deal with your fantasy regarding Rosie O’Donnell dressed as a maid? (I went back and read your past blogs that I missed and found your Rosie O. fantasy). Really? Rosie O’Donnell? Curious minds want to know about this fantasy. Don’t worry we won’t judge. Much.

Romance Man: Man you must have been bored as shit to go that far back to read my blog. I just made the Rosie O’ Donnell thing up. I have no fantasy about her.

Selena: I was not bored, I was doing research for this interview. Okay, I was taking a break from writing one night and went into your archives and found that little treasure. Next question: if we could put you in a time machine and get you back to your teen years, what advice would you give to an 18-year-old Remy?

Romance Man: I would tell myself to pick a career I liked instead of worrying about making money. This is something I try very hard to stress to my girls. When I was young I thought money would bring happiness so I focused on that. Money is nice but not as nice as getting up every day and looking forward to work.

Selena: You have your own Romance Man—let’s call it—“terminology,” example: Vagussy. For readers who have not yet read all your blog posts, list the other words you’ve created for the Romance Man’s Urban Dictionary.

Romance Man: Vagussy, vaguice and one-eyed love muscle are all I have come up with so far, and they may have been around before so I don’t know if I invented them. In my mind I did because I had never heard them before.

Selena: Do you think comedic abilities and wit are things someone either has or doesn’t  Or do you think it’s something that can be learned? And yes, this is a compliment to your humorous writing abilities.

Romance Man: Thank you and that is a great question. I think it is something you have or something you don’t. I don’t think it can be learned and I also think there is a difference between having a sense of humor and being funny. Many people love to laugh and appreciate funny things but aren’t necessarily funny themselves.

Selena: Are you funny in real life?

Romance Man: I try to be. Pretty much everything is a joke to me unless it is something serious. I like to laugh and escape the misery in the world and I like to make my wife laugh. If I can make her laugh, I am happy. It’s better than giving her an orgasm.

Selena: If you were a Muppet, which Muppet would you be? Which Muppet would you date? 

Romance Man: I don’t know which muppet I would be but I know it wouldn’t be Kermit cause there is no way I could fuck Miss Piggy. I could cook her because I love bacon but not have sex with her.

Selena: Take off your cape for a moment, and pretend you’re a romance hero. Cowboy, alpha, muscled, tanned, throbbing muscle, the works. What would your name be and write a tweet as this romance hero.

Romance Man: My name would be Colt and my tweet would be “Don’t mess with my heroine, mother fuckers.”

Selena: Is there anything you have on your Milestone List that you want to have or to do, that has yet to be accomplished?

Romance Man: There are a million things. I would like to live long enough to see civilian space travel because I would love to go into space. I would love to write a book.

I would love to see my wife be successful with her writing.

I want to see my daughters achieve their dreams.

Fuck, Selena, are you trying to make me cry?

Selena: No, but you are going to make a whole lot of us cry with your poetic and sweet response. (I’m not talking poetic as in Ode to Lexie). Inside every alpha matador beats a sentimental heart of a man who loves his family. It’s what HEA is all about.

I along with many others would love to read a book written by you and Lexie. So from your lips to the stars, aligning themselves in the right place to achieve those goals and along with your daughters reaching out and grabbing on to their dreams coming true.

Cripes, now I’m going to tear up.

Okay, before we all start holding hands and singing Kumbaya, and Heaven Forbid we give the Matador a hug for that beautiful sentiment, let’s have some fun with a quick fire, word association game.

Tell us the first thing that comes to your mind after you read each word on the left hand side:

Sponge Bob band aids: My balls

Ironing:  My blog

Silver: Dallas Cowboys

Turtles: Non-consensual turtle sex

Hugs: Don’t touch me, Bro

Minute Man: I’m sorry.

Kardashians: Whore

Selena: LOL! I don’t know if I should be worried or scared, but I understand why you picked the answers you did.

Okay, finally, I want to get down to the true heart of this interview:

How many waffles are just too many at IHOP?

Romance Man: Selena, you don’t eat waffles at IHOP, you eat pancakes. You eat waffles at The Waffle House and one is enough as long as you have eggs and grits and hash browns with it.

Selena: Thank you for clarifying that for me and for all Canadians who have no frickin’ idea what an IHOP is in the first place. Another reason I read your blog and your tweets, they can be so educational. 🙂

Thank you for joining us today, it’s been a lot of fun and see, the questions weren’t that hard, you breezed right through them.

CONTEST:

I now open up the blog-floor to everyone who would like to comment or ask The Romance Man a question.

By doing so, your name will be entered into a draw to win a prize (listed below).

If you want to double your chances of winning a prize, then, sign up to follow The Romance Man on his blog here.

If you want to triple your chance of winning a prize, then, go LIKE his Facebook Fan Page here. Let’s get him to 2,000 likes!

Quadruple your chance and stalk him on TWITTER: @theromanceman3

PRIZES:

(Winners will be contacted on Friday morning)

Amazon Gift Certificate – from Selena Robins

Amazon Gift Certificate from Sloan McBride

Autographed Paperback – “Together in Darkness” by Sloan McBride

Autographed Paperback – “Daryk Hunter,” the first book in the Daryk World series by Denise A. Agnew

E-book – “Gone Groom Gone – A Chick Dick Mystery” by Nancy Lauzon

E-book – “Blood and Moonlight” by Moira Keith

E-book – “Let Me Count The Ways” by PG Forte



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One of the Original Bad Girls

Please welcome, Denise A. Agnew as she talks being a “Bad Girl” and her wonderful Daryk World Series.

Denise is also giving away a paperback copy of one of her books for one lucky winner.

(Contest details below)

Thank you so much to Selena Robins for the chance to say hello and sneak in a mention of Daryk Warrior, the last book in my Daryk World fantasy/sci-fi series at Ellora’s Cave. I’m also celebrating being one of the original bad girls of Ellora’s Cave. What does that mean? I’ve been an author with them for ten years.

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Romance, Magic & Mayhem

Please welcome Moira Keith to my blog as she discusses her latest romantic, urban fantasy novel, Blood and Moonlight – Moonlight Trilogy Book One.

Moira is also giving away TWO COPIES of Blood and Moonlight. (Contest details below)

About Moira Keith

Moira Keith has a penchant for men in kilts, is a lover of shoes, a connoisseur of Guinness, baker of cupcakes, and an overall complete mess! As an author of paranormal, urban fantasy, and contemporary romance, Moira Keith’s stories are often filled with the magic of love and the mayhem that ensues, threatening to keep her couples apart. Moira lives in Las Vegas with her twin zombie sons, a beta, and a turtle.

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Love’s a Beach

Welcome to the Love’s A Beach Blog Hop!

The Love’s A Beach Blog Hop theme goes well with my current release, WHAT A GIRL WANTS, as the book takes place in Hawaii and the heroine, Maddie Saunders’ favorite quote is: “Life’s a beach and then you have sex on it.”

For the Love’s A Beach Blog Hop, I’m posting a character interview featuring, the hero and heroine from WHAT A GIRL WANTS.

I hope you enjoy this post and please feel free to ask either character a question for your chance to be entered into a draw to win one of many prizes.

Also, don’t forget to hop on over to the other blogs and enjoy the various snippets and excerpts other authors are posting for this blog hop. Link and banner for the blog hop is at the bottom of this post.

My character interview with Maddie & Alex from WHAT A GIRL WANTS

Selena: Thanks for jumping out of the book to join me today. Maddie, let’s start with you. What was your journey like in What A Girl Wants

Maddie: The plane trip from to Hawaii was uneventful—

Alex: I have to interrupt here. Uneventful? Is that what you call it?

Maddie: Come on, Alex, even you have to admit it was classic. Besides, you laughed at the prank I pulled on you. Anyway, as for your initial question, Selena, I enjoyed the adventures you created for us, especially the humorous moments. Of course, what’s a romance without heartache, physical pain, angst and a ton of conflict?

Selena: Are you complaining about all that?

Maddie: Me? Never. I’m not a complainer, especially to my creator who has total control over my destiny. I may be a little impetuous—

Alex: A little?

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Book Review Monday – A FEW DEAD MEN – Plus a Contest

Like most authors, I’m also an avid reader of many genres and I’m dedicating Monday’s as a day to celebrate other author’s books that I’ve enjoyed. Please feel free to add your own suggestions, as I’m always looking for another good book to read.

This week, I’m reviewing, A FEW DEAD MEN by Nancy Lauzon, author of the Chick Dick Mysteries.

You’ll also have a chance to win either a copy of A FEW DEAD MEN or another Chick Dick Mystery of your choice (details below).

MY REVIEW:

If you’re a fan of murder mysteries and dark comedies with enough twists to keep you in suspense until the last page, then I highly recommend you step into the world of Nancy Lauzon’s, A FEW DEAD MEN, A Chick Dick Mystery.

The dialogue is witty and the plot is smart and fast paced with a splash of unexpected love. The main protagonist, Darcy is a perfect balance of vulnerability and intelligence that makes her relatable and loveable. Each of the secondary characters all play an integral part in the book. The relationship between Darcy and her best friend Gio will give you plenty of laugh-out-loud moments with their amateur sleuthing and relationships with their perspective families.

The developing relationship between Darcy and her new boss, Smith, will have you rooting for them both.

As for the murder mystery, just when you thought you have it all figured out, an unpredictable twist will surprise you.

A FEW DEAD MEN has all the elements you expect in a Chick Dick Mystery, plus more.

Read an excerpt

Available at: SmashwordsAmazonBarnes & NobleChapters/Indigo/Kobo.

CONTEST:

I LOVE hearing your thoughts on what books you’ve read or would like to read…or your thoughts on recipes, tv shows, movies, your mood…..anything goes.

To show how much I appreciate your support of this blog I am going to purchase a CHICK DICK MYSTERY of your choice.

INCREASE YOUR CHANCE to win: 

  1. Everyone who leaves a comment on this blog is eligible to win with their name added into a hat for a draw.
  2. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, your name gets entered twice.
  3. If you are not already a follower of my blog and you sign up to follow this blog, then, you your name again gets entered into the draw.
  4. If you mention my blog on Twitter or your Facebook page, your name again is entered into the draw.

 

 

Book Launch Party – A FEW DEAD MEN by Nancy Lauzon

A Few Dead Men – A Chick Dick Mystery

Book Launch Party

March 1 – 8

 

Drop by Nancy Lauzon’s blog anytime during the first week of March to join in the fun!

Play games, nosh on virtual goodies (a.k.a. recipes) and win prizes!

Leave a comment on Nancy’s blog and receive a FREE copy of A Few Dead Men.

If you like what you read, post a review on Goodreads, Amazon or the website of your choice and win another FREE copy of any Chick Dick Mystery!

BLURB

Life has dealt part-time mystery novelist Darcy MacDonald a lousy hand. The men she knows are either missing, dead, drunk or demented.

Lying next to the corpse of her boyfriend, the head of Bloodhound Investigations, definitely qualifies as lousy since he’s the man who also issues her paychecks.

The doctor says her boss had a massive heart attack during an orgasm, and it wasn’t Darcy’s fault. But she can’t help feeling guilty, since his orgasms were her responsibility. Or so she believed, until his grieving widow shows up, along with a mysterious, punk rocker chick who weeps inconsolably at the funeral and claims he was murdered.

 

Excerpt:

Chapter One

Darcy MacDonald stared at the ceiling and thought about murder. There were lots of ways to kill someone. Poison, a bullet, the well-placed blow of any heavy object.

Her right hip ached, and she had a crick in her neck. She couldn’t shift onto her back or she’d fall off the couch, since Fergus took up most of it. It might be comfortable enough to have sex on, but there wasn’t enough room for two people to lie side by side. She ruffled Fergus’s silky, dark brown hair.

“Hey, wake up.”

When he didn’t make a move, she eased off the sofa, smoothing down her skirt as she glanced around for her panties.

“You can sleep later, Fergus. Right now you have an appointment. Something about a missing person.” Darcy tucked her breasts back in her bra and hooked the front clasp together. “You don’t want a client to catch you with your pants down. Bad for business.”

She scooped her white, cotton blouse off the floor. It was a wrinkled mess. Next time she’d buy polyester, something more suitable for a quickie at the office.

Fergus lay on his stomach, facing away from her; arms bent at the elbows and tucked in at his sides. A dragonfly tattoo adorned the lower half of his back. She could see the tail peeking out from underneath his unbuttoned shirt. There was something missing, but her mind couldn’t quite register what.

Then it hit her. The dragonfly wasn’t moving the way it usually did whenever Fergus slept.

In fact, it wasn’t moving at all. It was perfectly still, with no rise and fall.

Somewhere outside the high-pitched cry of a seagull split the air, twice. A cool gust of air rattled the dusty Venetian blinds and carried the smell of rain through the open window.

Darcy shivered. “Fergus?”

Tugging gently on his left shoulder, she leaned over to look at him. A string of drool hung from his sagging mouth, and his eyes were open, staring at nothing.

She jumped back.

Two sharp knocks hit the door, and a muffled voice, thick with boredom and a Russian accent, said, “Mr. Fergus? Yourthree o’clockis here.”

She bounded across the room and wrenched the door open.

Vaughn, the receptionist, eyed her up and down with open disapproval. “You want our clients to see you half dressed? You can’t put some clothes on?”

Hauling Vaughn into the room by the arm, Darcy shut the door. Her mouth worked, but her throat was too dry for words to come.

Vaughn’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

She pointed to Fergus. “He’s … there’s something wrong. He’s—”

“Half naked. Is not good, in a place of business—”

“He’s not breathing.” Panic bubbled up, and Darcy lurched for the phone on Fergus’s desk, knocking the handset out of its cradle in one frantic swipe.

“Not breathing? Why not?”

Vaughn’s ridiculous question seemed to come from the other end of a long, dark tunnel, and Darcy couldn’t answer. It took all her concentration to dial 9-1-1.

Everything shifted into slow motion, including the phone ringing in Darcy’s ear. One ring. A long pause. A longer ring, an even longer pause. Oh, shit, hurry up.

Vaughn moved to the couch to examine Fergus more closely. Finally Darcy heard a female voice at the other end of the line.

“Nine one one emergency—”

“My boss, he’s not breathing. I need an ambulance, now. Bloodhound Investigations.” She repeated the address twice.

“I’ll dispatch an ambulance right away, ma’am. Stay on the line, please.”

“He is dead,” Vaughn pronounced sadly. “Poor Mr. Fergus.”

Nancy Lauzon’s Blog Tour Stop #1: What is a Dead Man?

My latest mystery novel was inspired by my youngest daughter’s disastrous dating history. The ‘dead men’ in the novel are composites of every boyfriend and/or bad date my daughter ever had. Believe me, I had lots of material to choose from. In fact, I didn’t have room for all the ‘dead men’, since I didn’t want to go over my word count.

This book raises several questions: Who exactly are dead men, metaphorically speaking? How did they become dead? Are there more dead men than live men? And where do you find live men?

But the book is also about a young woman compelled to solve the mysteries around her, like her favourite amateur sleuth, Nancy Drew. She doesn’t go about it in exactly the same way.

Sure, a dead man is a male corpse, but let’s think outside the box for a moment. A dead man could also be a dead beat, or a wooden, callous, dull, boring dud. A dead man could be cold, frigid, sterile, unemployed, unresponsive or useless.

The dead men in my novel A Few Dead Men might be dead, or they might be any of the above things. I can’t tell you which, you’ll have to read the book to find out for yourself. All I can tell you is, all of the men in this book are either really dead and/or metaphorically dead.

VISIT THE NEXT STOPS ON THE BLOG TOUR TO FIND OUT MORE:

Saturday March 3rd

Nancy is interviewed by Annie Acorn, the prolific and internationally known author, whose readership recognizes her mainly for her cozy mysteries and richly woven stories with a warm southern flair.

Tuesday March 6th 

Nancy is a guest blogger at Limebird Writers, a wonderful team from the UKand USAwhose motto is ‘Let Your Creativity Fly’. She’ll be blogging my theories regarding the next question: How did the Dead Men become dead?

A Few Dead Men is now available on SMASHWORDS

Coming soon to:  Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Chapters/Indigo/Kobo

About Nancy Lauzon

Nancy Lauzon worked nine years on a hospital ward as a cardiac nurse before the night shifts turned her into a zombie. She got a day job in health promotion and began to write health-related articles for magazines and newsletters.

Life threw out a few curve balls, and to relieve the stress, she began to write fiction part-time. Five years later she sold two different manuscripts to two separate small-press publishers, using a pseudonym. She retired from nursing in 2003 and began to write full-time.

She is now the author of four Chick Dick Mystery novels, inspired by her early love of Nancy Drew Mysteries.

Visit Nancy’s Website

Join the Chick Dick Mystery Group on Facebook 

Follow Nancy on Twitter

Friend Nancy on Goodreads

First Woman Carrot Cake Tester Ninja to Swim in a Vat of Chocolate

Please join me in welcoming the effervescent, author of all things romance, award winning author, Michelle M. Pillow

Michelle is chatting with me about reality shows, her favorite food and sharing an excerpt.

She is generously running a contest to win one of her fabulous books.

(Contest details below)

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